Not Sure Which Way to Go

[downandoutintn]

gr8,
I have agreed with most everything you say. I even see why you chose to go the way you did. I even agree with you if you were ready for that. I personally am not ready for that. She did however tell me why she said that. She said she guessed she wanted to see if I was over her. I have made the decision I am done talking to her. She is too confused for me to deal with right now. If she decides that she wants something to do with me then she will come find me and let me know. I wasn't trying to run you off, but I didn't feel that it is right for me to stoop to her level at least right now. I was originally taken back by the advice. I think it kind of shocked me. Sorry if I offended you that is not what I intended. Thanks for the advice you have given so far.

[sandi2]

I was originally taken back by the advice. I think it kind of shocked me.

The truth of the matter is that this is the ONLY thing that works for some.

I will tell you what I've told some others, and that is if my LBH had dropped me like yesterday's newspaper and started showing interest in dating.......honey, it would have ended my EA right that second! I would have forgotten all about the OM and my H would have had my undivided attention! But, that's just me. Maybe your W is different than most.

[downandoutintn]

I will tell you what I've told some others, and that is if my LBH had dropped me like yesterday's newspaper and started showing interest in dating.......honey, it would have ended my EA right that second! I would have forgotten all about the OM and my H would have had my undivided attention! But, that's just me. Maybe your W is different than most.

She has always told me that if I dated somebody else that she would go crazy. I have witnessed this already a couple of times in this sitch where she has had total breakdowns because she thought I was seeing somebody else. I think I would be better suited to make it appear that I was with somebody else rather than actually doing it. I don't think she would be as forgiving as I am but who knows. I really have decided that I am cutting out the small talk. She needs to see what life is like without me. I have never cut her off from contact. She needs to learn a lesson or let go and quit dragging me along.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Sandi, thanks for sharing that with down.
I knew you had said that before and I didn't want to call you out on it.


Down,

see how it how it works. I agreed with you, validated your feelings then I said I was done with you.

Your response:

You were apologetic to me and wanted more from me.

That's what you need to do to your W.
You need to accept the M is over(the old M) and move on with your life.

That's the laws of attraction.

She has always told me that if I dated somebody else that she would go crazy. I have witnessed this already a couple of times in this sitch where she has had total breakdowns because she thought I was seeing somebody else. I think I would be better suited to make it appear that I was with somebody else rather than actually doing it. I don't think she would be as forgiving as I am but who knows. I really have decided that I am cutting out the small talk. She needs to see what life is like without me. I have never cut her off from contact. She needs to learn a lesson or let go and quit dragging me along.

These are your words now. Start believing them.
This is what works.

You see the truth I speak of, don't ignore it

I have seen what works here. You can't argue with results.



You can do it.
You're in a great position.
Do the hard stuff

[downandoutintn]

gr8,
That was a good example. If we would have been in person I would have never have let it get to that point. Sometimes it is hard to type and put your true feelings into words. You are the only one that has been here since I started posting and I didn't want to push you away. I knew you meant well the whole time it just don't personally believe that is the answer for me.

On to a new topic. I haven't contacted her minus me asking her why she asked me that question. I had the kids last night and if she called then I gave the kids the phone and let them talk to her. When the kids aren't here I am going to become a really popular person.

You can do it.
You're in a great position.
Do the hard stuff

You are right and I know I can. Everyday gets easier to detach farther. I am to a point where I would like for her to come back but if she doesn't I really don't care. The hardest part for me is losing the friendship more than the M. The funny part is I know she is the same way since she wants to make sure we are still friends through this. I am not accepting only friends though at least not until sometime in the far future. I don't know if she can accept nothing or not. My hunch is that she can't accept nothing but that is what she is going to have to deal with unless she wants to work things out.

I contacted a lady friend from high school last night. I felt really guilty about it and really had to force myself to do it. It is really different for men because most men will not stay on the phone talking to men for hours but they will talk to women for hours. So I made the decision to contact her because I figured this out. I have made my boundaries that is a friendly contact and nothing else. I need someone to talk to about things other than just my problems. I need someone more in my life than talking about my problems. I have a great support group around me and need something other than a support group to talk to. So I made the leap. I am not sure how I really feel about this though or how much I will contact her in the future but I know I can if I choose to. It is truly a no string attached friendship. I don't believe there is nothing wrong with that.

I did talk a little bit to her about my sitch and that I can't be hanging out with her but would like to catch up on the last 11 years of what we have been up to.

[downandoutintn]

Would I be crazy or dumb for sending her a text message that said "you know the more I think about it I don't care if you see OP. I know you are anyway and it really doesn't bother me."?

I know by sending this I am telling her to move on and that she will do just that. The more I read the more I realize I keep letting her know that I am still completely here. I am tired of hanging on by a thread.

[Queen_of_Swords]

What's motivating you here. Feelings or clear thought?
I too was tired of living in limbo, I did something I believed was a well planned, thought out action.
It got me the bomb.
That wasn't my goal!
Is hanging by a thread worse than the alternative?
Is the alternative what you really want?

Be careful.

[downandoutintn]

I am already living the alternative. I know she is already seeing OM. It doesn't hurt that she is seeing OM as much as it does she is lying to me about. This doesn't mean that I approve of it or want to see it happen but I can't control her actions. I understand why she is seeing OM.

I guess the motivation is more to get rid of the limbo and detach even further. I am hanging by a thread she is not. She has told me many times to move on. She asked me how I felt about her seeing OP and I told her exactly what she wanted to hear "that I didn't like it." She knows that I am standing by for her and I am tired of that. I feel like this would be a good move to detach from her even further. Suggestions?

[downandoutintn]

I can't edit so I will add that I am tired of her controlling me and my emotions. If I tell her that she has the all clear from me then I am telling myself that I have ok'ed so she is and then I don't have to be hurt by the lies anymore.

[Queen_of_Swords]

IMHO, don't send the text, but do start detaching/going dim now.
GAL behave like you don't need her.
Be friendly, be kind, treat her like your sister.

Extra words won't help or change the sitation or her lying.