It's me that's cycling!

[dolphin_05]

Hi Sanderika, Thanks for your post...lots more food for thought....

Your H is going to be very coy about the reason OW moved out....... He is not going to rush to try it again.

I agree. I nearly asked him last night but decided against. At one point we were talking about education and our children have only been to fee paying schools and he made comment about the charges at state schools. I suggested he could check the difference with ow. There was a pause and then the subject changed. [/quote]

Try as she might, if he suggested she leave....it's just a matter of time before he stops contact. My guess is she revealed her true colors and son did the same and together they were h*ll!!!

This bit I'm not sure about. I suspect she pursues and he accepts when it suits him and i think this will continue. He's a cake eater remember!! H is very particular about his house and the tidiness etc. Reality is that she is probably not. H had intentions of her staying until at least May to help with the rent so something went haywire.

It is very interesting to me that he is once again barking for the separation papers. The last time you tried incessantly to give them to him he was unavailable to receive.

I challenged him on this. He said he was over it all by then.....just an excuse, he'd only asked for them the day before. He is consistent in blaming me for the delays and we all know he took no affirmative action himself and was here every Tuesday for dinner and didn't take the papers.

Perhaps you should (without advance notice) visit H with the paperwork, leave it with him AND up to him. .

I want the settlement done. I won't really trust H's actions are sincere until this is over. I want the ability to be totally independent. this time I will be insisting it is finished with. This is something we both want. I just need to consider what I do after that. I get the divorce organised as well and then forget all about him or I leave the door open.

Last night he talked about us going together to D's formal as we did for S's. It did make me think that he presumes I will want to do that with him; the unified front. He presumes I will not have another partner. He presumes I will always be available to him.

Even if he follows through with the separation papers he will not want life w/o Cas.

I am not so sure about this. The thing I do know is that if I make no contact neither does he. He only seems to respond to my invitation and doesn't initiate. I can only imagine that he is still filled with guilt and in his mind he says, "Why would she want to be with me?" I told him I was not going to be the one who always initiated. It's up to him as well. I really couldn't be bothered in a one sided relationship. I told him I deserve more.

.He has made no mention of divorce. All good!!

I don't care if we get divorced. This marriage is dead!

If I were you, I would continue on to appear like I have it all together and going on. I would not let my guard down.

This time it's true. Things are going pretty well in all other areas of my life.

All relationships must start out as friendships. I have struggled with this myself. I have flip-flopped between friends/no friends. I have decided that the friends route is the only way to go. It is the only chance to rekindle. It's the only way they get to see the amazing women we have grown to be.

Yes, I totally relate. I am currently flip-flopping and I told H that. I am tired of his on again, off again attitude.

I do not think that your relationship with your H is over. I see a very similar situation to my own. (((((Cas))))) we knew this would take time. We have learned that the journey is filled with ups and downs. We have chosen to take this ride with them. We are not done yet, neither are they. Remember, it took a long while for the marriage to break-down, it's going to take even longer for it to be repaired.

Time will tell on this. I am not as dedicated as you. The door is open but just a little. I am not going to chase. It will get worse because of the settlement. we won't agree and there will be the first argument and then he'll retreat again. We won't make any fwd progress until that is signed off.

Thanks for sharing so honestly with me Sanderika. I truly appreciate your wisdom. Hugs,

Cas