Hi Debi!

I put on my happy face and had a really good time last night being funny and chatty yet not overly talkative.

Went home and got ready for bed. Trying to back off from initiating ml all the time, etc. He said he was tired, so I reminded myself to not have expectations, and just let him sleep. We snuggle for a few and then flip to our sleeping positions. After a little while (I was still awake too talking to God), he got up and said he was going to read as he was not tired! So, I didn't say anything and resisted the urge to say, "I'll help ya pass out," if yaknowwhatimean...and let him go to the living room. Talked to God some more. I really WANT my H to WANT me...I know it is going to take some time for him to have more romantic feelings for me, but it is hard in the meantime.

But, while praying, I was reminded that I will not get from my h what I want as long as I still "need" it. I know people keep telling me this, but it helped to have it reitterated by what seemed like (or is) the big guy.

Today I sent him an email to let him know that I did not get the job that I iv'd for. He wrote back saying to have an extra beer tonight and to keep my chin up. I wrote saying that "my chin is up." and asked if he had found out anything about when I should take a day off. He wrote back saying that he was bein' lazy and hadn't called yet...and...get this...he signed it "loveooo" !!! He has only been signing his em's "me" and I started the loveoooo thing and have still done that sometimes or just put xxooxx. or "wifey." So !!!

Tonight I am going out with some girls and tomorrow I am meeting a friend for din. H hasn't told me if he is going out tomorrow night or not. He usually does if I do something. But, he also is practicing for a band audition that he has on Thursday. OH, so I won't be spending a whole lot of time then either. But ya know what?? I kinda feel like I don't care. Does that make sense?

I feel like I have a renewed sense of myself and am really rededicating myself to the Lord and believing in Him. IMO, if I could believe in Him, and give Him my cares/worries, that I would be much less anxious and fearful. (Not to use Him, but at least let Him do in my life what He intended w/o me screwing it up on a regular basis.)

Hope all is well.
ttys
karen