Not every boundary enforced is meant to de-escalate the short-term
This is a very good point that, CL, I think you are missing. I would go so far as to say enforcing boundaries has nothing to do with de-escalating anything. It has to do with teaching people how to treat you. I think if you did that, your wife would respect you far more, be more attracted to you and treat you better.
While going neanderthal may not be necessary, my point was you stand up. She can rant, she can threaten, hey babe, fine with me. I am standing strong in front of you and I'm not cowering away. I refuse to be spoken to disrespectfully. I REFUSE. You do not swallow her BS and then send her an email the next day telling her she needs to consider conducting herself differently. You want to say, hold up sister, you will be respectful. If you are not able to do that, you know were to find me when you are.
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There may be nights I'll have to sleep in a hotel, or leave a dinner party, or take a break from a dance venue.
This is shrinking away from the conflict. Conflict in and of itself is not bad. It's how you deal with it that can be sticky. I really think you have done so well in most other areas. Learning to stand your ground in a powerful, self respecting fashion is what appears to be the final piece of the puzzle missing for you. You seem a thoughtful, caring, compassionate, loving man. You do not seem a powerful, self assured man. I really thing that is what she wants.
When I say rise to the challenge. I did not mean the challenge of being with her. I meant the challenge of her intimidation, or getting her own way. She pushes you around. I think she wants to push and feel a man standing solid in front of her that she can't brush aside because you are to strong. That is what she is waiting for. It IS possible to be thoughtful, caring, compassionate, and loving, yet at the same time also be powerful, self assured.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
