As I posted on Kalni's thread.. I've been struggling a bit with sad feelings about the past and felt a bit tearful at times, but I havent told H as such.
My BFF is a classic WAW. I've urged her for a year to be more open and honest about how she really feels, but unfortunately her H had depression/alchoholism and wouldnt listen on the odd occassions she did try.. so then she decided to leave and I urged her to warn and prepare him. She did kind of, but walked out with the children when he was at work and so he is utterly shocked and devastated. Like many LBS he assumed their M was solid and she'd never leave. He was suicidal and she was desperate and asked me to speak to him twice to stop him taking tablets (he didnt).
Its bought up alot of feelings and memories for me, because although the circumstances are different, the results are the same. She is behaving just as H did (not wanting to speak to him, is adamant its over).. he is saying and doing what I did.. calling and crying down the phone, begging her to try again/go to M/C, saying..but you are my rock.
Sigh.
On top of that, I had to go to a meeting in Helen's department and I was given a tour.. up to her office door and thankfully not inside it! Even after all this time and all thats gone on and how great everything is... it still bothers me. I still feel angry/sad/jealous when there are reminders like that. I know he regularly went to that office and lab as they were on a big project together from May 2007 and as far as I am concerned.. thats where it started. He still needs to go there now, but he always says he didnt see her, she must have been out on a site visit...
We went home for the weekend and happened to go to the pub where we had that first date 12 years ago, 13 Feb 1999 that we celebrated last week. Its a pub we never went to since. H was being very nostalgic and sweet walking up to it and going over the events and said, this is where it all started.. and then, we should recreate the moment.. so he pulled me down the alley alongside the pub where we'd parked our bikes that day 12 years ago, he found the exact spot and said, it was here we said goodbye and then I got the courage up and bent down and kissed you....
..and then he did and said "...and life was never the same again".
It was lovely and romantic and sweet of him... but kind of surreal hey, when you think what happened later on with him leaving me so adamantly and dating someone else for 8 months etc!!
I didnt remind him of this
Thats just love and relationships, the twists and turns over the course of many years are inevitable and innexplicable.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
We all struggle with that. I'm sure the pregnancy hormones only make it more so.
Glad you didn't have to see her on that tour. And glad that your H is not working with her either. I'm sure that's such a big relief for both of you.
Too sweet and amazing about the pub. That's so romantic.
There are some amazing twists and turns. I've never known a relationship that hasn't had it's bumps. Even XH's grandmother, who was married for 52 years, says there were times if she could have left she might have. But it wasn't an option, so she put her mind to making it work. And she doesn't regret it one bit because they were so happy together.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Thanks girls, but its funny, we were never like that in teh early years! There wasnt so much romance..well, H tried. NOW.. its totally turned around and I feel so in love and loved up, even more so than last year when we were planning the M and more than the year before when I was so excited to be back with him.
Maybe its the pregnancy hormones, but I feel like a teenager who just met their first love right now, its very strange! I had a meltdown last night because he got mildly cross about something...and it turned my blood cold and I burst into tears, because, as he said as he comforted me...it reminded me of bad memories from the past.
But I made him cry on Sunday. We were driving along a road back to our old house where he left after the bomb.. I was telling him laughingly how I used to drive back down that road sobbing my eyes out every time I came back from seeing him when we were apart..doing an impression of myself leaning on the steering wheel bawling and.. I looked across at him and he was full of tears and a lump in his throat and speechless. Poor guy!
I stroked his hair and told him its ok, I was still so glad to see him then and I can laugh about it now.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Thanks girls!! Had an amazing birthday week.. H whisked me off to Tortworth Court for a few days, a spa hotel in a castle with arboretum in the grounds.. the land and original buildings date from 13 something, but I think the main castle/court where we stayed was built in 1538 and it was incredible! All huge high wood pannelled ceilings and turrets. Our room was lovely, but noisy, so we complained and got moved to a huge suite, that was bigger than the ground floor of our house!! I hope he didnt spend too much (we are broke!) but he said he got a good break offer.
H booked me a suprise pregnancy massage and we used the swimming pool loads and had a lovely posh dinner and he got me some nice books, some tropical fish for my fishtank (not wrapped, lol, cant wait to go choose them!) and.. more tickets to the ballet. I reckon he is hooked now and secretly wants to ogle more men in see through tights
So .. I am officially old now
I was a bit emotional on my birthday..I briefly felt depressed and this isnt how I wanted to spend my 40th (I had wanted a big party!) and I felt tired and pregnant.. and H was stressed and worried and suddenly I saw with clarity just how wonderful it was, after the way he left, that I was even here in this hotel with him and I slapped myself mentally and totally snapped out of it.. pinned a big grin on my face and from that point on, just remembered to smile, be grateful and enjoyed it. Even 2 years on I am mindful of how lucky I was to get that elusive 2nd chance and how not to take anything in life for granted. Especially after the dreadful news in Japan. I cant watch it - not after seeing an old woman crying to the camera asking "have you seen my husband?". I cant bare the thought of losing H ever again or anything bad happening to him!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
