Hi!
This weekend went well. Friday went to din w/h and then home to watch a movie and have ice cream. I mentioned ML at the restaurant and he said "later." Then later came and went, and he was going to sleep. I asked what about ml, he said he was tired and that we could in the morn. before he goes to work. I was feeling like it wasn't going to happen (not believing him), but it did and it was great.

Later, went to party to play euchre then go bowling. A couple girls lifted up their tops at the bowling alley, h just joked about it and raised his hand to shield his eyes and said something like, "that's not something i want to see." So, I did't get jealous. I would have in the past! I would have cried and said I was scared that he would like these other girls, but I DID NOT!!! YIPPEE!!!

We got home really late and then slept in really late. Sunday is almost always a day for , but he was hungry, so we got up. He didn't hang with his buddy and he asked what "we" were going to do. I told him that i was going to my mom's to see my nephews and to church in the eve., and I DID. In the past, I might have blown these things off to be with him, BUT, I am doing things that I want to do; that make me feel better about me.

I came home and made dinner. He was teasing me, and I kinda took him seriously at one point, but he said he was kidding. I need to just KNOW that he is kidding and be able to joke back-b/c that really works with him, but I get insecure and take it personally. He has assured me that he is just joking almost all of the time! We went to bed, but didn't ml. He DID initiate snuggling. He also suggested where to get lunch on Sunday and I said, sounds good and went along w/him.

Quote:

Do you feel that H is being more responsive? What would or would not make that be the case? Goals?



H is more responsive once some time has gone by from the last upset. It helps when I joke and play around with him A LOT. When I bring up sex early in the day or eve for later, this does NOT work. I think that I am flirting, but I know that it comes across as really insecure and needy b/c I am always so afraid that it is not going to happen. At this point in time, H can wait longer than I like to. But, I think that if I did back off (and I mean REALLY back off), yet maybe initiate if it really feels right and I'm not just doing it for affirmation, things would be a lot better in that dept. Right now, I think he takes it for granted b/c I always want it and am always available.

However, he is also very shy and not very aggressive. But, he CAN be and he knows that it turns me on when HE takes charge or flirts. Someday...sigh...
So, if I could just wait a few days and let the desire and anticipation build up, I think it will be better. That is usually the case, but for some reason, I am more focused on quantity.

Cooking for him helps. He always thanks me and tells me it is good or whatever, and oftentimes he hangs with me in the kit. for chit-chat and comes up behind me to hug me. Last night he came up from behind to pretend like he was from behind and I pretended back. it was funny. Nice to know that he does think of it!!!

What works for ME is doing some things just for ME regardless of what h is doing. ie going to my room (I cleaned A LOT of it!!! I can see the floor and the bed!), walking the dogs, going to play vball or out with a ff, etc. I think when I take care of myself in this way, and realize that I do have other friends, that I feel more secure in MYSELF and less dependent on him. Church was great last night. I go to the contemporary worship and they had a concert last night. The music was really cool, and (don't make fun of me), I felt the holy spirit.

I really want to open myself up to God and have faith. I think that if I did have faith, that I wouldn't be so afraid all of the time. So, I am going to read more spiritual books, do a bible study, and pray on a more regular basis.

karen