Piecing is almost harder than before...

[XYZ]

Ok, I'm sure some will say that I'm posting too much about small details and over-analyzing, but I find it therapeutic to write here (and later read back). Sometimes it's hard to see how far I/we have come until I read back a month, or two, or five and say "Wow, look how bad it sucked then. It [censored] way less now." Ha.

Anyway, one of the things W said to me a few weeks ago when talking about the pressure I applied, was that I was always looking at her - especially those parts that I find absolutely intoxicating. I don't know if I was or not, but given her feeling that I sexually objectified her in the past and that she FELT that I was it didn't matter....I was. So, one of my back off moves has been to be damn sure I didn't do that. If she was getting dressed or showering, I'd stay away. Not distant, just giving space. If I needed something, I'd get it, make eye contact (and not with other body parts) and leave the room. I'd wait to start my shower until she had her robe one. That kind of thing. So what happened this morning? I finish brushing my teeth and W initiates a conversation with me (just chit chat, nothing serious) WHILE SHE WAS IN THE SHOWER! (we have clear glass shower doors) WTH! That's awesome. I maintained strong eye contact diligently (oh man, I though piecing was hard, it's nothing compared to that. lol). Nice chat and on with the day. Baby step me thinks. One more point in the doing good column.

On another note, W has been saying ILY for a while now, but in the last few days the inflection in her voice has changed. Now this is way way subtle, but before it was ILY like you might tell your mom or a friend. Lately, it's ILY like you tell a girl/boyfriend. Again maybe my mind; maybe not. Right now with the big exception of absolutely no physical contact, the R feels "normal" to me again. Not normal like the bad times pre-bomb normal, but normal like in the good ole days normal. I hope she feels it too. Keeping up the no pressure, it certainly feels to be working.

X out.