Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 3

[sparks14]

Rough morning. I had my S again last night. He was up for good at 6:00, so that gave me 45 minutes to get him ready for daycare before W came to pick him up.

W came in not in the best of moods, but hey, it was 6:45. She said she had a rough night of sleep. In addition, I can understand how stressful this week has been on her due to having to put our first child in daycare this week, starting her new job, and having to 50/50 co-parent.

I tried to make small talk about our son, but everything came back to me very negative.

I mentioned that he did pretty well last night, but he did not sleep from 4-5, so that was a tough hour. She snapped back that it was probably because he has had to go back and forth all of the time. Has it crossed her mind that if we get a divorce, it will be this way forever?

I mentioned that I know that she is having a hard week, and she came that I had no idea. She never wanted to put our son in daycare. I told her that I did not either. She said that even if she didn't move out, that we would have had to. (I disagree and had told her months ago that I would do whatever it takes to support both of them, but I did not mention it this morning to prevent an argument.)

W is throwing a ton of her grief at me right now. I have been doing my best to duck and dodge and prevent anything that would cause an escalation. I would love to tell her that dug this hole for herself with the affair, but I know that would not go over very well.

She is completely overwhelmed right now. I told her that she should have a little more space when she moves out of her brother's apartment and into her own next week. She agreed.

Where did my W go? Who is this person? I know that it has been tough on her, but I feel like she has been trying to turn herself into a victim. First it was the cloud of the same sex issues to cloud the actual affair. It was then the privacy breaking and the impossibility to regain trust after checking her email to discover the affair. Now it is the resentment of having to get a job and daycare. Last night, it was that she had no friends to talk to, or do anything with, and she felt like she was on call for the baby. Geez. Is this normal? I just feel like my wife is trying to turn the attention towards her.

As she left angry, I did send her a text with the info she will need to check into daycare (wakeup time, diaper change time, bottle time). She wrote back later with a thank you. She then wrote again "lots of tears this morning. I'm having trouble going in to work." I wrote back that I hope she would have a great day and to look forward to the weekend. I then mentioned that I realized that I couldn't fully understand how she felt right now but that I cared for her and how she felt. Told her that things will get better and told keep her head up. I know. More behaviors coming from me of support where I should detach.

Looking forward to our weekly dinner tonight. She has made it a bit hard, since she has a meeting after work, then has to pick up our son, and then wants to take him to a local park to beat traffic. It worries me, since these were the local parks that W and OW would go to begin their physical escapades. I wish she would skip the park and just meet me for dinner.

Things seem to be digressing this week after a great couples therapy session on Tuesday. It probably has a ton to do with W's stress and my new insecurity thinking W is in contact with OW.

Hope it gets better again.