Sitting at home with myself.

[2stepboogie]

morphed into trying to help me cope with my sitch ever since W left

I think that seing a C is good. You must remember that the C job is not to save your M or to give you the tools to do so. It is to help you. Sometimes in their opinion helping you is getting you to move on.

I want her to know the toll this is taking on me, and make sure that she understands that I am not ok with the role I currently have in our kids' lives

I am not saying not to talk to W. If you do talk R/M be prepared to hear some things you don't want to hear. Your reaction will determine the success of the convo.

I have done a lot of work on understanding my W and myself and I feel that I truly do understand why she feels the way she does right now

Good than start by understanding that the feelings you are currently having are the same feeling that she was having long before you "heard" her. If you can remember that you are heading in the right direction. The work is just beginning and you must be patient.

what I don't understand is why she's not wanting to try to work on it.

For a million reasons but I will only post a few.

Lack of Trust

Fear

Feelings that are currently dead (which you have to revive)

Hurt

Anger

Navy, this will work on her timetable not yours. What indications does she have that you truly understand her feelings? Your words? Not enough! You did not get here overnight so you will not get out ovrenight.

Have the talk.

I did. I flew out to OK and had the talk. I expected something and got crushed when I did not get it.

Have the talk because you feel you need to get it off your chest but don't expect a miracle.

Safe travels

[Navyguy]

You're right 2step...the talk isn't going to do me one damn bit of good. She knows I'm working on myself and that the sitch is kicking my ass. I need to suck it up, like she did for years.

Interesting exchange on skype after I got off video chat with the kids...

M: Thanks for skyping. Good luck tomorrow, I know you'll do great. (at the job interview)

W: You don't have to wish me good luck

M: I know. Have a good night.

[Sad_but_happy]

"SBH: I don't know if I agree completely...I know my health is very important, but right now I think my kids' and W's happiness should come before mine."

We will have to agree to disagree. EVERYONES happiness is important. You are no good to your kids if you are unhappy. Sounds to me like your falling on the sword. All that accomplishes is death...

Your happiness is pivotal to your childrens happiness IMHO.

I do wish you good luck Navy..

[Sad_but_happy]

"M: Thanks for skyping. Good luck tomorrow, I know you'll do great. (at the job interview)

W: You don't have to wish me good luck

M: I know. Have a good night."



You're not giving her any time to miss you.

[Navyguy]

Sitting at the airport here....

You are right on both counts SBH. All she's asked me for is space, and I continue to initiate talks with her. It's not like she wanted this for us and our kids. Definitely just going to keep it laid back when they pick me up today.

7 hours until I see my kids!!!!!!

[Sad_but_happy]

Have fun Navy! Believe me when I know how hard it is not to engage W. You're looking for something to give you hope. You're looking for a response from her. I still do it and I am in piecing. It's our insecurities.. I get it, I really do. Did it this morning. Why did I do it? Cause I'm away on business. I get so anxious when away.

Just be happy today. Be mysterious when she texts or calls. Don't respond right away. It does work. But it's the hardest thing you will ever do!

Enjoy your babies!

[sparks14]

Be mysterious when she texts or calls. Don't respond right away. It does work. But it's the hardest thing you will ever do!

This is so true, navy. It has been my Achilles heal, though. Detachment is very difficult in situations like ours, but it has to happen.

[sparks14]

BTW - Have fun with your kids!

[Navyguy]

Well, here I am in Colorado. 30 minutes until they're here!! They are going to meet me in the airport for Lunch. I can't wait!!!!

[Denver_2010]

I hope that you have a great visit Navy! Too bad we can't meet up.

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