It's me that's cycling!

[Sanderika]

Hi Cas,

Your H is going to be very coy about the reason OW moved out. He will not want to dissuade that situation very quickly. He certainly won't admit that the relationship with her is not what he thought it was. He now has a taste of life with her, it didn't last very long. He is not going to rush to try it again.
Try as she might, if he suggested she leave....it's just a matter of time before he stops contact. My guess is she revealed her true colors and son did the same and together they were h*ll!!!

It is very interesting to me that he is once again barking for the separation papers. The last time you tried incessantly to give them to him he was unavailable to receive.

In my past when I would comply with H's forward movement towards divorce, H would relax. H would want to hang around our home more. H would want to be with son more. H would call me and send me texts. He would position himself here in perfect time to have a meal with us.

I always felt that he didn't really want to move forward to the end of us. He would get what he "thought" he wanted and then backpaddle hard to resurrect our relationship.

When I would give in and comply by signing and filing, I would make no contact of any kind after. I would avoid and ignore. H got a raw glimpse of life w/o Sanderika.

Then H would make contact, it killed him to have no contact with me. When he would reach out his demeanor was always super nice and he would be an open book. I followed his lead and behaved similar....super nice, but never revealed as to my goings on or son's.

I wonder if you were to deliver the separation papers would you experience a similar result?

Give this some thought:

Perhaps you should (without advance notice) visit H with the paperwork, leave it with him AND up to him. Arrive and deliver with a comment like:

"Hello H, I believe this is something you want, you're all set now." then turn and leave. Do not linger.

Then wait and watch to see what he does. Go about your day to day. Be ready for contact. It will happen. Even if he follows through with the separation papers he will not want life w/o Cas.

He has made no mention of divorce. All good!!

If I were you, I would continue on to appear like I have it all together and going on. I would not let my guard down. He is going to pop in and let him. Let him see what he's walking away from, what he is missing. Let him leave thinking.....Cas is fabulous!!!!

All relationships must start out as friendships. I have struggled with this myself. I have flip-flopped between friends/no friends. I have decided that the friends route is the only way to go. It is the only chance to rekindle. It's the only way they get to see the amazing women we have grown to be.

I am going to think more about this all with you. I do not think that your relationship with your H is over. I see a very similar situation to my own. (((((Cas))))) we knew this would take time. We have learned that the journey is filled with ups and downs. We have chosen to take this ride with them. We are not done yet, neither are they. Remember, it took a long while for the marriage to break-down, it's going to take even longer for it to be repaired.

Will check back later on....(((((hugs)))))

Sanderika