H rang after I text him over the separation paperwork in reply to his email. We talked for a while about paperwork, settlement and daughter. No mention of divorce.
It was a fairly frank conversation and was calm and relatively easy. Of course, it was my fault settlement was delayed so often.
H says that he thinks that without the settlement we are both in limbo and it's gone on for long enough. I agreed and said I wanted it over.
He said that we need settlement done to really have any proper friendship. I agreed and I said that although I had tried very hard I felt that I still had some trust issues which meant I perhaps judged him too harshly and unfairly. I elaborated and he said it was fair enough that I felt this way given past events. (eg when he is nice to me I sometimes wonder if he is being nice to me because he's being nice or perhaps he is trying to keep on the right side of me because of settlement)
I am at the stage where I am just saying it as it is.
H says he wants to do things like go to swimming with D but gets the feeling that she doesn't want him there. (Prob true...she is like that towards him)
H says that when the settlement is over he thinks we can start afresh (as friends) and wipe the slate clean. (Have heard this line before)
He doesn't want arguments and if there are arguments he will want to just stay away so that we can't argue (the funny thing is last time there was no argument...he just got the guilts over the concert and created an issue and told me to go away)
I did say that there would always be arguments and I couldn't promise otherwise.
As my thread title says, I am cycling. I am still detached which has allowed me to speak openly and honestly. I am not sure what i think or feel anymore.
I did say that I was happy to be friends but that he had to do his share of nurturing the friendship because I wouldn't do all the work anymore. he says ok but he won't.
Perhaps I was too direct but I think i'm protecting myself a little.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
Cas, Mila just had an interesting convo with her H today. It sheds some light on the mindset of an MLCer. If you haven't already, you might want to take a look at it.
And yes GAG I did read Mila's thread and there were aspects that sounded like conversations I've had before (but I've had no terms of endearment or tears coming from my H)
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
I would think this is only possible if OW is really willing to be a doormat.
I would say that ow is a doormat. That's why it's lasted so long. She has waited patiently for H all this time. She has put up with the limited time he gave her. Can't imagine what happened. S didn't know. All I know is that it has shown that this is as shallow as I imagined it was. It certainly has not worked out as H said it would. However, H did say it was not permanent. Perhaps she found the perfect place.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
Where would she go? Is it possible that D misunderstood what H said?
Who knows where she'd go. It would be around here though because her son is in school here.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
Why would H ask for the separation papers after this?
Because he has no intentions of having me in his life. It's too hard for him to face up to all the hurt he has caused.
