Quote: As for the hard time sticking with what works......well I would say if you are having a hard time...then the payoff isn't there for YOU ...You may only be doing it because you think it's what works with HIM.....For the short term this would work but not for very long...unfortunately , you are right this will not work....it will for a while but eventually he will see you are doing it for him and not for yourself..............Does that make sense?
In other words it's NOT really working for you...You need to find what does "work" for you and when you do...it won't be so hard to do....because the rewards will be a little clearer and immediate.
Trish, This is good. Exactly right. I am still focused on what I can do to please him and to get what I want out of him. I need to make myself happy for me. What does that entail? I like the plan to not be available a couple days this week. (Or every week). I have had such a hard time w/this b/c I am afraid to be apart, but I know it helps. Tonight I'm going to clean "my room" so I can have my sactuary to read, journal, study bible, or just go when I want to not start a fight w/h.
Believe me, I HAVE told him what I want and need, he just refuses to do it right now, or as he puts it, needs to do it on his own time. I have to deal with that.
If I said I had no clue about what to do-we would do NOTHING. Well, maybe not. He did say the other night as we were arguing/talking that he wouldn't do something that continually pissed me off and I laffed. I said, you won't help make plans, suggest romantic evenings, etc... He was trying for a couple weeks after he came home from cinci. then stopped. ???
Last night he went to vball with me. He was a little reluctant b/c it is at church. I'm a believer & he doesn't know what he is. He was afraid people would try to shove it down his throat. I assured him that they wouldn't. He said he had an "ok" time. I really don't care if he goes or not, as it is something that i do w/o him-ya know, like "my thing." We came home, I made dinner, we watched some tv, i got up to take a shower and didn't go back to the liv. room, but went to bed to read. I went out to X him, went back, and fell asleep. when he came to bed he woke me up and I had to go potty. He made fun of me for something and i totally yelled at him. really caught me off guard. then he read, and I lay there awake. he did touch me a couple times, like put his feet on my leg or something. i apologized for snapping at him and he touched my leg w/his fingers as if to say it's ok. (i thought, why doesn't he apologize for antagonizing me when i woke up from my slumber???) then he turned the light off, knew i was still awake, curled up w/his back to me. I don't know if he expected me to spoon him. normally i would have, but he didn't say anything, and i didn't.
Tonight I am assuming that he is going out with his guy friend. We have plans for Saturday to go to a bday party and play cards and go bowling. Still haven't figured out what I'm going to say when I go to the new counselor's office. I won't be home til 830ish, so I must account for my whereabouts. But now, I don't know if I will keep the appt. b/c I was planning to use my bonus $, but they said it was going to be less than I thought yesterday. ??? Now I don't know how much it's going to be & won't get it until 2-12.
I have some ideas of stuff I would like to do. Gotta just do it!!!
You say not to approach him wanting reassurance, but that's all i want. must come from me... i just don't believe that I am ok and that things are going to be ok...
