As I posted on Kalni's thread.. I've been struggling a bit with sad feelings about the past and felt a bit tearful at times, but I havent told H as such.
My BFF is a classic WAW. I've urged her for a year to be more open and honest about how she really feels, but unfortunately her H had depression/alchoholism and wouldnt listen on the odd occassions she did try.. so then she decided to leave and I urged her to warn and prepare him. She did kind of, but walked out with the children when he was at work and so he is utterly shocked and devastated. Like many LBS he assumed their M was solid and she'd never leave. He was suicidal and she was desperate and asked me to speak to him twice to stop him taking tablets (he didnt).
Its bought up alot of feelings and memories for me, because although the circumstances are different, the results are the same. She is behaving just as H did (not wanting to speak to him, is adamant its over).. he is saying and doing what I did.. calling and crying down the phone, begging her to try again/go to M/C, saying..but you are my rock.
Sigh.
On top of that, I had to go to a meeting in Helen's department and I was given a tour.. up to her office door and thankfully not inside it! Even after all this time and all thats gone on and how great everything is... it still bothers me. I still feel angry/sad/jealous when there are reminders like that. I know he regularly went to that office and lab as they were on a big project together from May 2007 and as far as I am concerned.. thats where it started. He still needs to go there now, but he always says he didnt see her, she must have been out on a site visit...
We went home for the weekend and happened to go to the pub where we had that first date 12 years ago, 13 Feb 1999 that we celebrated last week. Its a pub we never went to since. H was being very nostalgic and sweet walking up to it and going over the events and said, this is where it all started.. and then, we should recreate the moment.. so he pulled me down the alley alongside the pub where we'd parked our bikes that day 12 years ago, he found the exact spot and said, it was here we said goodbye and then I got the courage up and bent down and kissed you....
..and then he did and said "...and life was never the same again".
It was lovely and romantic and sweet of him... but kind of surreal hey, when you think what happened later on with him leaving me so adamantly and dating someone else for 8 months etc!!
I didnt remind him of this
Thats just love and relationships, the twists and turns over the course of many years are inevitable and innexplicable.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
