Thanks, Jack. I read MWD say that affairs will usually last only six months, so you should just wait it out. Well, this one lasted 10 months, and it wouldn't have stopped if I did not interject. My W also mentioned that their emotional connection was the most intense she has ever experienced.
That didn't give me much hope that it will just die out. I guess that is why I took the approach that I will offer this patient long road towards rebuilding our relationship. If my DB and fight come through, I will be the happiest man in the world. If she decides that her needs can only bet met from a woman, I will learn to accept that, and at least our relationship will be health to co-parent our baby boy.
She agreed to couples therapy, and I have told her a few times that this journey only has room for two. She understands that divorce would be coming if the affair did not stop. Her personal therapist that has been helping her for months with these sexual orientation issues (and allowed the affair for the six months that she started seeing her), told my W to stop contact with OW. Why? Because I said so? That what told me. But really why? Is it because she REALLY is confused and does not know what she wants? Is it because she feared I would fight for full custody if we did not mend the relationship?
Who knows?
I just know that I need to detach from my thoughts about this OW coming back into my W's life right now. I can see us improving. The longer this road goes on, the longer I can DB and really improve. It is just a difficult detachment due to trust and the orientation situation.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
I had my sister over to hangout today. Just nice not to have to spend a night alone at my house after S is asleep. Of course family is going to protect you, but she thinks my W has made contact with OW. "Oh yeah" were her words. My other sister told me the same thing, and she lives halfway across the country. What is it with my sisters? Way to help me out. Now all I can think off is my W with the OW tonight, sicne I have our S. Ahhhhh!
Anybody have advice to make this stop? I need to detach, but it so freaking difficult.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Yes. Stop thinking about it. It does not benefit you. It creates anxiety and insecurity. You cannot control who she is with, bottom line. That is out of your hands. Leave it in God's. She may be with OW, she may not be. Which ever it does not change your NOW. Your now is you have your S. You have us and you can please yourself.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Yes. Stop thinking about it. It does not benefit you. It creates anxiety and insecurity. You cannot control who she is with, bottom line. That is out of your hands. Leave it in God's. She may be with OW, she may not be. Which ever it does not change your NOW. Your now is you have your S. You have us and you can please yourself.
Thanks, Scylla. I know in my mind that is what I have to do. It is just more difficult to execute that plan.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
