Quote: Now I am upset (I continue to be and not being very able to hold it it) about our financial arrangement. We didn't talk about $ before we got married, and he just decided that this is the way it's going to be. (Separate accounts, he pays house payment, I pay utilities.) Well, I'm broke all the time and he's out blowing money on performance equipment for his new truck. Then he agreed to help pay for groceries if we stayed home to eat more. Then I've had to ask him more than once for that money. I hate the term I owe you or you owe me. I think it is ridiculous to owe each other money if we are married. I asked how we were going to do finances if we have children. He said we would cross that bridge when we come to it.
Well, am I just being cold? I'm 34 1/2 and I'd kinda like to know now-if this isn't going to work and we can't agree on $, then I can find a diff. h to have children with. I did not say this to him, but let it go. I told him that we don't make $ a team effort, we haven't talked about how we are going to pay for vaca, and we haven't talked about retirement. (my co. reinstated their matching and it's great). So he said, "let me ask, what happens to that money if we don't work out?" I said that like everything else it gets split w/the divorce settlement, that it is part his...
Your financial arrangement sounds oh so familar. My H spends HIS money on fancy hunting trip, expensive hunting equipment and fishing equipment! My H makes twice as much as I do. I pay mortage and bills. H reimburses me, at his leisure for the most part. If I ask he sometimes acts like I'm asking him for the world, one time he called me a back stabber..wtf..I think he was referring to his mother!
And, this is where my resentment built up. Financial security is at the top of my list of importance in a marriage, yet we are up to our eyeballs in debt because of H and his "gotta have it now, gotta have the best" attitude!
At some point H and I will have to sit down and discuss this, also, as I don't want to NOT talk about it anymore. I don't know that anything would change, but a discussion is definitely in order and some kind of agreement should be made...with you, too. Sorry for the hijack.
I like the joint checking account with any major purchases being discussed before "it" is purchased idea, but don't know if it would work with my H or if he would agree.
Not sure if I helped at all, but wanted to let you know that you're not the only one with this type of financial arrangement and we have a child, also.
