morphed into trying to help me cope with my sitch ever since W left
I think that seing a C is good. You must remember that the C job is not to save your M or to give you the tools to do so. It is to help you. Sometimes in their opinion helping you is getting you to move on.
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I want her to know the toll this is taking on me, and make sure that she understands that I am not ok with the role I currently have in our kids' lives
I am not saying not to talk to W. If you do talk R/M be prepared to hear some things you don't want to hear. Your reaction will determine the success of the convo.
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I have done a lot of work on understanding my W and myself and I feel that I truly do understand why she feels the way she does right now
Good than start by understanding that the feelings you are currently having are the same feeling that she was having long before you "heard" her. If you can remember that you are heading in the right direction. The work is just beginning and you must be patient.
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what I don't understand is why she's not wanting to try to work on it.
For a million reasons but I will only post a few.
Lack of Trust
Fear
Feelings that are currently dead (which you have to revive)
Hurt
Anger
Navy, this will work on her timetable not yours. What indications does she have that you truly understand her feelings? Your words? Not enough! You did not get here overnight so you will not get out ovrenight.
Have the talk.
I did. I flew out to OK and had the talk. I expected something and got crushed when I did not get it.
Have the talk because you feel you need to get it off your chest but don't expect a miracle.
