If she is going to believe anything at all she will be looking for actions. Your words mean nothing to her. I am assuming that you have had conversations before that revolve around you changing or doing something differently and then eventually going back to the "old" way. BTDT.
I think that you have something right in the fact that she is done or mostly done. You may just be working on yourself for you next R but maybe not, time will tell. Your actions can be the same no matter the outcome.
Reflect on what it is that you are not doing right for yourself , family, etc and change for YOU.
I would also say that I would drop my expectations to almost zero when it comes to regaining this M. I would not analyze every interaction and mind reading your thoughts into what she says.
Your are mid-reading here:
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I feel that W is using 60 day grace period on D to see how things are going. She then will decide if this is what she wants.
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As I have said before, I cannot go completely dark due to the kids but how much should I pull back? I am torn because she has said that these last few weeks have been great because they are the same and the only difference is that I am not there for a few hours at night. On the other hand, if I SHOW HER WHAT IT IS LIKE WITHOUT ME, will this have a negative effect?
What is it that you are hoping to accomplish? She has shown that she doesn't want you the way she remembers you. She is the one who doesn't want you around. Are you getting little fixes when you are around her. Is she filling your needs with the limited interactions that you do have. Is it healthy for you to be strung along, chasing crumbs?
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Quick update, Wife dropped bomb on 01/12/11 and I moved out 2 days later. Wife has D papers in her possession for over a week now but has not given them to me or brought them up in conversation. I have been very effective in not being the one to initiate contact with her on a daily basis, but if I have to due to the kids I keep it short/sweet.
You have been out of the house for a month and 1/2. Have you talked with a lawyer about how this impacts your possible custody in the future? Make sure that you know your laws in your state. I know that I wouldn't want to be an every other weekend dad.
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Was contacted on Monday by a mutual friend who wanted to tell me that they spoke to W and she told them that W made the comment that “I don’t want to give up on a happy family life but I don’t really feel like I miss H that much”. Comments were also made that the sitch is getting easier on children each day and everybody is less stressed since I moved out.
Easier on children. . .really? Everyone less stressed. . .really?
Why is that? Were you angry all of the time and shouting at them all? Were you out every night and never really there when you were home? Insert other horrible action. . . She was a saint and it was all your fault. I don't think so.
Divorce is never an EASY thing to just deal with. You can research on the web to show that divorces effect children from infants to adults in negative ways.
One more thing:
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Family/Friends advice is to move on, get paperwork, show what it is like without me, better myself, and if she goes through with it I will be fine if not she will come back. I am scared to pull that trigger….. Any suggestions?
Don't make decisions from your emotions. (Fear, etc.)
I have decided. . . to move back home. to stay in the marital bed. that I don't talk about divorce. that I only talk marriage.
Be strong for you and your kids,
Will
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
