Been meaning to hit reply on your thread to tell you that you're doing a dynamite job here. Do you see how much road you've traveled since the holidays? Are you on the Concorde or what?
Keep the faith... you're doing so well.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I just realized you replied to my old thread...LOL...I can be dense at times. My new thread is "Mi Vida Loca". Not too much happening in my sitch but I know it won't be long! How's that for faith!
Anyway...I am glad you and H are getting along. Go with the flow! Take care and God bless! Debi
Well looks like things are going along pretty well.....no major backslides.
Read up on the midlife stuff if you can...I don't think anyone but you would be able to tell if that's where H is.
It doesn't seem like it to me...but the same symptoms can be in many situations and it doesn't mean MLC, but the suggestions you get from handling MLC symptoms could help you in your responses to your own sitch..
You may need to take a good hard look at how you are handling things in the work arena. You don't want to put yourself in jeopardy over some personal issues. Try and leave the personal stuff for the time you are at home.
Maybe look at work as a break from personal troubles. Go ahead ! Give yourself that luxury.
No more crying at the office. You are there for a different purpose than to be concentrating on your personal life. Your work life is yours. It is not a selfish thing to do ...You CAN have other things in your life besides the relationship with your H.
Look hard at the times when you have allowed yourself to be overcome at work....what were you doing? what were you saying?....who were you talking to?...look at these as triggers to what you were feeling and then got distracted by your feelings...so much that you stopped doing your job! ....and be aware of them...you may not be able to avoid them, but being aware of them can give you a head start on avoiding them...do something else...remember..."do what works"...."DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT"
Kinda like doing a 180 on YOURSELF!! Wouldn't your co-workers be surprized if you suddenley were in charge of yourself ! Just look at it like a place to practice your changes...
GO ON!!!!!!!!!!Be a little selfish. You don't have to share your work time with your H, by thinking about your troubles at work this is what you are doing...you are giving him way too much power here...wouldn't you feel better if it felt like you were in charge of your feelings...not Him!!??
This is "me" time.
This "work" time is to invest in the world other than the one with H.!!
I say you need to really listen to what he is telling you about his birthday......this is not about you this is about him....what does he want?
Now if you truely believe he wants you to do things your way and is just putting on a modest protest about his birthday...then by all means do the things you mentioned......but it sounds to me like you might need to re-evaluate what HE REALLY WANTS out of this birthday......and give him WHAT HE wants.....not the birthday you want to give him....
What are his real concerns...money? Not comfortable with too much attention?
Keep us posted
Do something for you today! It will keep our PMA UP, UP, UP!! Hugs, Trish
Thank you Cycler for the ideas about work. I ended up talking to my boss's boss on Friday. Not sure what will happen. But, I was told in order to get transferred, I have to have 2 good last reviews. I do not want this review to hinder me. My boss's boss said that that is up to both current and transferring manager's discretion.
My boss finally spent some time with me on Thursday and I showed him one of the processes that I do. He said that his head was spinning, that he didn't know it was so complicated, and that now he can appreciate my work much more. I've been telling him this for 8 months. I am not taking his crap. I have reason to believe that he is making up a lot of the negative stuff about me and what "other people are saying" about me.
Tuesday I got upset b/c I thought h was lolly-gagging when I thought he should be getting the stuff done that he needed to on Weds. After all, we had planned on spending those 2 of my vaca days together and he had to spend 1 1/3 of it working on his work test. I had expectations, made ASSumptions, and got disappointed. He asked why I don't ask him questions before I get upset. Well, I dunno-it's b/c I ASSume the worst, jump to conclusions, and then get upset. I NEED to be able to calm myself down and NOT ASSume the worst, and be able to talk to him calmly. This is very upsetting to him, which I cannot blame him for.
We cleared things up, went to lunch. He offered to go out with his friend on Thurs nite instead of Wed., I said no, that's ok (& meant it), but thanked him for offering. He took me out on Thurs. for dinner & ice cream adventure that was one of my xmas presents. Thanked him more a lot!
Last night went to the concert w/couple. Had fun, but on the way to Cleve. H was quiet and he didn't seem real warm towards me. He was ok around them, then I loosened up and so did he. We ended up having a great time. I was feeling so paranoid &
Got cut off last time b/c h came home sooner than I expected. He found out about db.com, but it did not turn into anything big. I assured him that it is for people working on saving their m's and that it is nothing bad, and that we do not bash our h's. (just vent ).
So, I was paranoid at the concert but decided to act as if, and have a great time with gf, her h, and my h. Later h put his hands on my waist and we banged our heads together. ha ha...so we don't act our ages.
Sunday I let him initiate and he did. (I am trying so hard to be patient.) Our r is diff. in that I am the one who equates love with sex, and he is more concerned about our r!! I'm the guy!! I know that he feels used at times and that I do use him for validation of my desirability. Not good. I am trying to look at things through his eyes more.
Monday I went skiing all day in NY with my mom and uncle. It was wonderful. Last night I worked late and went directly to vball. Today I talked to h and he is going out w/his friends. I am ok with all of this. (not seeing him much.) Tonight we will be together and Friday is his bday! I have the eve. planned to go to dinner at his fav. place and then rent a room w/a hot tub. I need to not be too presumptuous and not put so much emphasis on sex, but enjoying his company (for HIM, not his ) This WORKS. I know it does!!
He has been somewhat distant, and not reciprocating a whole lot of affection. Like, I'll hug him and he doesn't put his arms around me, or I initiate the snuggling at bed time. Not sure if I should back off on the affection or not. I am a very affectionate person by nature, but I don't want to be clingy. Last week I spent some time in another room while we were home together. BUT, he did tell me today that SAD is getting to him. He really doesn't like cold and winter, and the temp's have been in the teens with - wind chill factors. So, I sent him a little email saying that I hoped he felt better, that I know it is cold, 58 days until spring, and that I was thinking about him.
Work has taken a little up-swing. They are moving me to a diff. team w/a new boss. I disputed my review with my boss's boss, but it's not going to change. At least I spoke my mind (diplomatically). New boss is female, very personable, open, direct, and WANTS me to succeed and get promoted, etc. YIPPEE!! Amazing what a diff. a diff. mgr. can be.
Worked 5 1/2 hours ot in the last 2 days. Got home at 2am on Monday. I'm tired...Co-worker is going w/me to local restaurant for beer/bite to eat.
Seriously trying to work on my PMA in all aspects of my life. I really need to not let my depression get in the way of my success at work, in my m, and in r's with other people.
Try and leave the personal stuff for the time you are at home. 
...You CAN have other things in your life besides the relationship with your H.
I've been telling him this for 8 months. I am not taking his crap. I have reason to believe that he is making up a lot of the negative stuff about me and what "other people are saying" about me. 
I had expectations, made ASSumptions, and got disappointed. He asked why I don't ask him questions before I get upset. Well, I dunno-it's b/c I ASSume the worst, jump to conclusions, and then get upset. I NEED to be able to calm myself down and NOT ASSume the worst, and be able to talk to him calmly. This is very upsetting to him, which I cannot blame him for. 
). 