Recovering after a same sex affair

[sparks14]

Still having a hard time detaching from the affair. I think sometimes that I am being played for a fool. I guess it goes back to the plan that the OW wrote to my W in an email. She had every move planned out to get out of their marriages. W said it was all too soon, but she liked the idea of living the rest of their lives together. This included the bomb in December (although OW wanted it in September). It would then include a trial separation while W would live with OW but leave the idea that she could always go back to me if it didn't work with them (which happened for a month until I discovered the affair). Then W would get her own place for awhile, so they could hide it better. Then divorce. I guess what I mean is that it feels like that plan is still in motion even though I may have derailed it a bit by discovering and exposing the affair. W is still moving out next week to "get space" and "self discover".

Then in couples therapy Tuesday, my W mentioned how the emotional connection she made with OW was so easy and so strong. Stronger than any she has ever experienced.

Then there was the comment that she was "putting the OW on the shelf". That the affair is no contact right now, because her therapist suggested it based upon my demand.

Now I get something like last night's suspicions that just didn't add up in my mind. Since when has my wife ever gone to a restaurant bar to get a to-go meal and have a margarita by herself. Not just that, but she left her cell phone in the car. I know my W and her iPhone addiction. There would be no way she would have left that if she was by herself waiting for food. Then when she came in pissed that I had to tell her to be honest with me, she ran out, came back in and dumped her to-go container in my sink. I remember grabbing the food, and it was partially eaten. Like I said, things just didn't add up.

She apologized for her behavior this morning, which is rare. I just feel that she is not being truthful with me that contact with OW does not exist.

In the end, I can do nothing about it and need to detach. How? Are all of the motions that I am going through now and couple's therapy just a big joke and part of their plan? Are they doing it, so I rebuild our relationship enough where the divorce does not get ugly and I go for full custody in our conservative county?

Ahhhhh. Tell me I am doing the right thing here and should never worry about the OW. This is driving me crazy!