Mark Your Territory

[MynameisMZ]

Above are steps to take to get you to the Piecing stage.


How I think DB techniques worked for me.


1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
I didn't do any of these things.
I had the blessing of being in big time denial.
I suspected an A, asked, was lied to, and believed him.
H knew I was onto something 4-5 months before disclosure.
I think this made him start to think.

2. No frequent phone calls.
I only called him when necessary per our usual routine.
Now in piecing, I can and do call him whenever I want.
We now talk at least 2 X day.
He usually calls me.
I still usually wait for him to call 1st.

3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
No need to because I believed him.
Thought it was his thing to work through.
<<How right I was! Went thru self-blame after discovery.
Kept thinking there was something I could/should/would-a
done.>>
Never dreamed the M was suffering an A.
Now it's H who points out the good things about our R.
H knows he screwed up and he wants me to realize the good.

4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
Actually did the opposite and left him alone.
In my sitch, my 180 needed to make him believe I loved him and wanted him.
Not that I follow him around the house, but I hug, touch, and kiss him A LOT now!

5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
As far in the future we got was to plan a vaca 2-2010.
I handed over vaca plans to him.
Now he plans most of our trips and outings.
The other night he said, "We really need to do these things."

So, it does pay off!
My sitch- I had suspicions as far back as September 2009.
Had an uneasy feeling-intuitive hits and ideas.
Had an urge to check his cell- I didn't
I made comments & asked Q about possible A.
H denied it and I believed him.

My story and time-line is in
MLC- Piecing via Shoots and Ladders

MZ