My Wife Wants to Separate

[LearningPatience]

DF,
in some ways my sitch is like yours. I just signed a six month lease on an apt because W wanted me to leave. House is in her name, we have 2 dogs and 2 cats and a few other reasons why it made more sense for me to go. We had S before but I moved back in while she was away at xmas (well, I was watching the animals and never moved back out). Once I validated her that I would leave, the tension dropped precipitously.

Now, W is stressing about finances for good reason. We've agreed on some basics (each paying own living expenses, utilities, etc) and a few items to split. We still haven't discussed the smaller issues (how much to put in joint acct) and we are still keeping as many bills together as we can.

I guess my point is that you do need to discuss things, but you don't have to hash out all the details at once.

I also know the frustration, but *don't* bring up R or D talks. When my W got so frustrated with me that she threatened D, I told her that it's not what I wanted but I understand her feelings. She would text things about L and I'd ignore them. In the end that worked. I can honestly say now that a part of her (maybe quite large) doesn't want me to go. I imagine as the time gets closer that your W will have some of the same feelings.

Remember, if she wants D, she files. Validate her but don't help her.