On a spreadsheet I have already outlined for myself exactly what I want.
No need for a lot of details here, other than to fulfill on all of my promises to myself, and in order to get to the point where my wife no longer has to work (even she is no longer my wife) and I can financially support our family on my own...
I have calculated I must be netting at least $300 every day.
From where I am right now, it's hard to say how long it is going to take to get there, but I know that until I'm actually doing it, one thing I will have to overcome is my fear of her sleeping with another man.
More than anything else, that is something I must let go, because the fear of that is driving me insane, and so far it hasn't even happened.
I know there are plenty of strong and loving people on these boards who have been willing and able to work through that pain, so I must trust that if ever it came down to that, then I could work through it, too.
Fortunately, when my head is screwed on straight I don't even need to think of that. When I am simply present and seeing what is real, rather than what's imagined, then all is well in my world.
So basically I plan to have the ability for her to comfortably quit her job, before May 31st, 2011. I had originally promised us I would do that for her, before she had a miscarriage back in October.
By doing this, I will be forcing myself to do two very important things.
1. Overcome my doubts and insecurities.
2. Become the man that I must be in order to be truly happy with myself. (Yes, I am generally happy with myself. I'm just not as happy with myself as I would like.)
So that's a pretty good start. Only other thing to remember at the moment is The Castaway didn't just act on impulse. He carefully planned, prepared, and took massive action.
For me baby steps are no longer gonna do it. I must now stride confidently in the direction of my dreams.
Each day I must be at my best to have and do the things that I desire for myself and for my family.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
