Got cut off last time b/c h came home sooner than I expected. He found out about db.com, but it did not turn into anything big. I assured him that it is for people working on saving their m's and that it is nothing bad, and that we do not bash our h's. (just vent ).

So, I was paranoid at the concert but decided to act as if, and have a great time with gf, her h, and my h. Later h put his hands on my waist and we banged our heads together. ha ha...so we don't act our ages.

Sunday I let him initiate and he did. (I am trying so hard to be patient.) Our r is diff. in that I am the one who equates love with sex, and he is more concerned about our r!! I'm the guy!! I know that he feels used at times and that I do use him for validation of my desirability. Not good. I am trying to look at things through his eyes more.

Monday I went skiing all day in NY with my mom and uncle. It was wonderful. Last night I worked late and went directly to vball. Today I talked to h and he is going out w/his friends. I am ok with all of this. (not seeing him much.) Tonight we will be together and Friday is his bday! I have the eve. planned to go to dinner at his fav. place and then rent a room w/a hot tub. I need to not be too presumptuous and not put so much emphasis on sex, but enjoying his company (for HIM, not his ) This WORKS. I know it does!!

He has been somewhat distant, and not reciprocating a whole lot of affection. Like, I'll hug him and he doesn't put his arms around me, or I initiate the snuggling at bed time. Not sure if I should back off on the affection or not. I am a very affectionate person by nature, but I don't want to be clingy. Last week I spent some time in another room while we were home together. BUT, he did tell me today that SAD is getting to him. He really doesn't like cold and winter, and the temp's have been in the teens with - wind chill factors. So, I sent him a little email saying that I hoped he felt better, that I know it is cold, 58 days until spring, and that I was thinking about him.

Work has taken a little up-swing. They are moving me to a diff. team w/a new boss. I disputed my review with my boss's boss, but it's not going to change. At least I spoke my mind (diplomatically). New boss is female, very personable, open, direct, and WANTS me to succeed and get promoted, etc. YIPPEE!! Amazing what a diff. a diff. mgr. can be.

Worked 5 1/2 hours ot in the last 2 days. Got home at 2am on Monday. I'm tired...Co-worker is going w/me to local restaurant for beer/bite to eat.

Seriously trying to work on my PMA in all aspects of my life. I really need to not let my depression get in the way of my success at work, in my m, and in r's with other people.

karen