It almost sounds like you are doing what I was doing. You are letting him affect your emotions too much. That is part of gaining confidence. Once I figured this out and took control of it, the roller coaster slowed down a little bit. When he starts acting weird or different or mean just take a breathe and realize that you can only control your actions and behaviors. Then you will be able to deal with behavior a lot better.
Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009 Me-29 W-26 S-5 S-2 Bomb 12/10 Separated 1/11 D filed 2/11
He's doing it because he wants any reason to justify his actions.
Well then you could put it that way. "Hey, will you give me notice if you intend to move out. I'd like to have some lead time so I can get a roomie to help with expenses." but what would it profit you?
Why are you letting it consume your life? It's not in your control what he does and does not do. So let's say you come home and he and his stuff is gone. You're half expecting it. Will you let it devastate you, or will you say to yourself, "Ah, I thought that's what was going on." and then be relieved you don't have to wonder anymore?
What would you do if it WAS just a roomie?
Perhaps take that attitude.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
My point is, that you may choose to detach. Stop letting his actions impact your life and emotions. You're hanging on to every action, every word ...waiting for the other shoe to drop. You're living in anxiety.
If he was just a roomie you might be a little bothered at the inconsideration, but you'd probably shrug and go well that's his problem, and fugghedaboutit in a short time. No?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I understand that, I do~ I have read the books. I have gone through this before 3 1/2 years ago. That time 6 weeks of DB and he was back home. (he left in the middle of the night after a fight) It is different this time, he hasn't left. I do go about my business, but our house is small and it is impossible to get away from him unless I stay in the bedroom and I don't want to be the one to hide
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
You don't have to hide. Just don't let him control your emotions. You control what others do to you. If he makes you angry it is because you let him. Others can only do to you what you let them do.
If he doesn't talk to you and you get depressed about it, he is not depressing you, your thoughts are what is depressing you.
Don't worry about what he is doing. Don't worry about him having something to eat, or if he is feeling well. That is not your issue at this point. Keep your self in a positive mind frame. If he yells at you, turn around and walk away.
You are caring about what he is doing too much. You are worried that he is in the house. Do like S_C said treat him like a room mate. When I had a room mate I really could have cared less if my room mate was around and what he was doing. If I didn't see him for 2 or 3 days I didn't care. I might check up on him to make sure he wasn't dead but that was as far as it went.
Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009 Me-29 W-26 S-5 S-2 Bomb 12/10 Separated 1/11 D filed 2/11
Last night I was home and feel asleep on the couch. H asked if I wanted to be moved upstairs and apparently, I said no. He covered me with extra blankets and he went to our bed (1st time in MONTHS)
He came down to wake me at 5am because he didn't think I would wake without the alarm. He laughed that I slept on the couch and he said he was glad because he really misses sleeping in our bed. I did wake around 2am and almost got into bed. Sooooo glad I didn't. Or should have I?
I got ready for work while he layed in the bed watching the news. We laughed and talked the whole time, a first in months. He caught`me singing a song and said "are you singing?" and I said I always like to start my day with a song. We laughed hard.
Are these steps in the right direction?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Last night I was home and feel asleep on the couch. H asked if I wanted to be moved upstairs and apparently, I said no. He covered me with extra blankets and he went to our bed (1st time in MONTHS)
He came down to wake me at 5am because he didn't think I would wake without the alarm. He laughed that I slept on the couch and he said he was glad because he really misses sleeping in our bed. I did wake around 2am and almost got into bed. Sooooo glad I didn't. Or should have I?
I got ready for work while he layed in the bed watching the news. We laughed and talked the whole time, a first in months. He caught`me singing a song and said "are you singing?" and I said I always like to start my day with a song. We laughed hard.
Are these steps in the right direction?
YES!!! These are great steps! The fact he noticed you and didn't want you on the couch. The fact he came down to wake you up. Laughter! All great steps!
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
