Not much to report about my sitch. W sent a TM letting me know she would be busy tonight. Taking a Nephew to boy scout meeting and then a dinner with D.
I spoke with D last night about her dinner with W. She has seen me at some pretty low emotional points in the last few days and I asked her not to share these. She said she does not want to discuss anything about this sitch. She has mid terms coming up and needs to focus on them. She said she understood what I asked her and just wants to avoid the topic altogether. I asked her if she could checkout the DB FB page and let me know what she thinks. She understood that was for me and not W. I may have to get a FB account, though in this emotional state I don’t know if that is a good idea.
The thing that is affecting me so much is not having a reaction from the counter proposal. I don’t know if W’s L has even discussed it with her yet so it is too soon to expect a reaction. The counter is very different from what W asked for. It protects me as much as I can be protected, rewards her decision to D as soon as possible very little, and per my L is very realistic. He has been doing this for 30 yrs in this court so I have to trust his opinion on how realistic it is. I know I need to let go of expectations here. It will be what it will be.
I can feel the beginning of an illness probably the flu that has been going through the building at work. I hope not, but I may be off line for a few days if it is.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Hope you're not getting sick, Stunned. But, if you are, hope you get well soon. Make sure you eat healthily, and drink plenty of fluids. Being ill leaves one emotionally vulnerable, and you need to be strong right now.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks BeingMe, I'm living on OTC cold meds now, It doesn't seem like flu. I'm coping.
Journaling: Last night our D called me to let me know she was home after dinner with W. She said she was sick over all the emotions she felt prior to meeting W. She was calling off work and had a paper to turn in tomorrow. I wanted to discuss her meeting with her mom, but I didn’t think it would be good for her. So I suggested she unwind, rest and get some sleep, calling off work should give her a few hours in the morning to finish her paper.
I feel bad our sitch is affecting her so much, but there is little more I can do about it than I am doing now.
Mom is very worried and sad about my sitch. She’s trying to hide it from me. D told me she was crying after remembering how much work I, Dad and her put into building our house and that it’ll probably be lost. We personally built about 75%. I have an intimate acquaintance with all of the foundation, framing, roofing and some of the finish work. W helped where she could. I remember one rainy fall night W and I only managed to layup 12 blocks in the foundation before the rain forced us to give it up
Three weeks ago W is sitting on the other side of the room expounding on the changes she is making and the self help books she is reading. She was very animated about the changes and how good they are for her professionally.
Then virtually no contact for two weeks, I was dark and trying to be busy. Last week W asks about one of the GAL activities I am doing and tells me she is just working, watching TV and hanging out with family and FB friends. Aside from monthly camping trips with me and visiting DILs mother twice a week these are the activities she did in our R almost every night.
I need another GAL activity. One she will find fascinating. We went repelling together for the first time last summer. She loved it. I wonder what costs are involved in sky-diving. Hey if she can have her MLC maybe I should too.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Still if I can get a group together, I don’t want to rule out sky diving. I had orders to jump school may years ago. I had to forgo it. Dad had a stroke and I was needed at home. It is one of those unresolved, wish I had done it things from the past.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I got home tonight and into the downward spiral again, big empty house, so many memories. I remember W complaining it would not be big enough and then later it is too big to keep clean. I felt better after praying.
I’ve spent the last couple of hours rereading DR for the umpteenth time. I need to find another book. I have seen a couple of suggestions here so to the book store I go tomorrow.
When W left last Sat, she said “see you next week”. She wants to begin the inventory of household items to divide. I think I will be busy tomorrow. I know she has an appointment to give blood at the Red Cross tomorrow. They called and left a message confirming it. They are just up the street. She hasn’t contacted me regarding a time to meet. So I think I will be busy away from the house most of tomorrow. It is a risk, she could decide to take another load of stuff, but at this point it is just stuff.
I am actually of two minds here. Going through an inventory and facing the reality of splitting it up, will be stressful for her also. Perhaps it would inject a dose of reality into la la land. Sorry I am frustrated. I need to prepare to do this and follow through else I might become emotive and blow it, another reason to be busy tomorrow.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Does the WAS cycle like a MLC? Aspects of my sitch are like W is in a MLC, but she lacks the gotta be young and alone again aspect. I don’t expect any of this is written in stone, but does this make sense?
W wants to jump to being the grandparent/care giver of the grandchildren? There are no grandchildren yet. She is pressuring the kids and wants them to move in with her so she can care for them and the grandchildren when they are born. She is rushing the D so she can afford a small place to do this in. She is cashing out the last 29 yrs to gain this vision of life. There are insufficient funds to make this happen, but in her delusions of now she does not see it. She continues to believe we will all be friends and share family holidays together. We will vacation together for the grandchildren even after we have established new relationships with other people. That eventually we will see her wisdom and agree her decisions are best.
Arrrgh there is so much of this that is not based in reality. These posts are small. I could write a book.
Last night my D came by after work. She wanted to discuss her dinner with W. She is concerned W has returned to the angry blame him for all slights and problems state she was in 3 months ago. W wanted to discuss it, and D said she had to tell her firmly no I will not talk about this several times. Per my D, W was behaving like the angry rebellious 15 yr old again, and tried to give her money. I guess W is trying to recruit D to her side of this equation. DIL is firmly there. I hope to keep as much of this drama from our S as possible. He must remain firmly focused on his situational awareness when he deploys.
I know there are no right, or wrong sides here. My D is affected by this sitch and I am trying to be supportive. It is hugely tempting to lash out verbally and vilify W during these discussions. I have with some success kept from going there. I am only human and last night I had to stop myself several times. I tried to tell D that W making me the bad guy and vilifying me in front of family is normal for a WAS and should be expected. D and I agreed this discussion was not healthy for either of us and spoke about other things, like school, her plans for the future. I am very proud of her.
I am so fraking frustrated with all this. I still love W and want to make it out of this drama with the M intact working on building a new relationship. I thought I had made good progress to the goal of dialing down the drama and tension so we could at least have a friendly conv about mundane things, but with the anger W expressed during dinner with D that all seems to have been a pipe dream.
I know I am cycling through the stages of grief again. So the WAS must also cycle. I am trying to use the stage of MLC to grasp and make some sense of this.
Does the WAS ever come back to reality, or have they repeated their fantasy so many time it becomes reality?
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
