Divorce or Hope?

[ninelives]

Ok, this is now day 4 of no contact. No text, she did call twice to talk to sons but that was it. And its having a reverse effect on me because I am missing her like crazy. WTF.. The no contact is what I want but when I get it, its like a reverse DB working on me as I wonder what she is doing.

Will this crap never stop. The drum lesson did help yesterday and I am looking forward to practicing, but my sons are not , however my s10 has a hockey game tonight and she is usually there for them. She is still with OM but I dont know how much contact they have.

I know OM , spends time with the family he left as he has two very young kids. My S10 told me that when he drops over, its not for long when she has him part time but I can assume that when S10 isnt there, he is over all the time.

How much more of this am I willing to take before I just say; " Okay, if this is the guy you want to be with then have at her!"
Im not exaggerating when people find out who this guy is that she left me for they actually cringe. One guy wouldnt even believe me when I told him. He said if you want to make up stupid stories than you dont have to tell me.

Another person said that she must be really pissed at me to be dating this guy.

I guess that is the part that I am really having the most difficulty with. How can she be with this loser? How can he be replacing me in her heart. My therapist told me that you are not in her heart and thats why it was available to be given away to another man. OUCH but I guess it rings true.

She says she wanted out of the marriage for years and I think that I must believe her but cant we have a new marriage?

I wish I could get a handle on what I really want. I think I really want my wife back but only if she loves me.

Feeling down again today, RATS!!!!!!!

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