Slowly building again.

[Harrier]

Jack I was a little confused by your post, but I wanted to address a few things.

1. My biggest change is that I'm changing back to the way I used to be, +

2. To do No. 1, requires me to un-do and deal a lot of issues that cropped in the last year.

3. I have made real headway (i.e. real changes) on many of those issues. I think she knows they are real.

4. More that just being patient I would like to explore the cause of my impatience, whether it's fear , anger or something else.

5. I was really thinking about No. 4. In alot of areas I am patient - some are low emotional cost like waiting for a movie to come out or waiting for vacation to start. Some are bigger like the kids example from yesterday.

let me expand on that. My wife and I were married about 8 years before we had kids. Now I was ready for kids after probably 2-3 years. My wife knew I was ready, I knew she wasn't. Yet, I didn't pressure her, didn't make snide comments, didn't make accusation of her being selfish. I just let her go on her time table. I was very patient. Why? I wanted her to want kids like I did. I didn't want her to just "go along" because then there's be a chance she'd always resent me for pushing her in big decision. I wanted her to feel like she'd come to it on her own. Because if she owned it, It would be stronger. I've seen too many guys who's wives pressured them into having kids too soon and may times they guys aren't as involved.
Now if something happened and she did get pregnant after 2-3 years of marriage, I don't think she'd loved the kids less (I mean they are our kids after all) But she often says to me, "I'm glad we had kids when we did." My response is always "so am I."

I can see that has to work here. My mantra has to be "She not ready." That was my approach to kids.

Anywho, she worked late last night as she usually does. She stopped and got me some coffee before she came home. I was ready a bedtime story to our oldest son. When she peeked in room, our eyes met for a brief second. She gave me this big smile and I felt a connection there..