You backslid. Ok. You know it. You're human, you made a decision on the fly that wasn't to your benefit. Who hasn't done it? Who here hasn't been driven to make lousy decisions by strong emotions?
You have a choice now. Let this hold you back, and give up. Or...bootstrap yourself back up with the knowledge you now have. It's good you recognise you're not the only one that has to live with the consequences of your and her decisions. What do you really want for you? What do you really want for your kids? What do you really want for her?
Breathe. Feel your feelings, but do not let them drive your actions. Think. Pray. Choose.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
So what do I do from here? Do I just start over from square one or does my opening up to her basically mess all of that up. Is there a way to go dark without me making her feel like I hate her? Or should I just really not care if she thinks I hate her?
Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009 Me-29 W-26 S-5 S-2 Bomb 12/10 Separated 1/11 D filed 2/11
Another thing that happened that I didn't mention is we hugged a few times. The hugs were pretty long considering the circumstances and she didn't pull back. She said this is a hard time for her and I told her I completely understood. So I think she probably needed the hugs too. She also said the I'm not in love with you line too! I just wanted to yell no one who has been together any long period of time is not in love. The love is so much deeper.
Sandi, Where are you? I need a whole pallet of 2x4s. LOL!
I am going to bed now. When I wake up it will be a new day and adventure.
Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009 Me-29 W-26 S-5 S-2 Bomb 12/10 Separated 1/11 D filed 2/11
So a small update. So she got what she wanted to went back to her same ways. She heard that I still care and miss her and now she is back to not talking to me. Before I told her she was trying to talk to me in any way she could. I guess you want what you can't have.
I'm not letting it affect me. I am back to going dark. I didn't lose anything I had formed from the process such as confidence or going back into a depression. I was pretty upset at myself for giving in the other night but I think there was some positives.
My only question is for someone who has been through this. Do you think she will get back to the wanting to talk to me. I think this is the key to getting a chance to R.
Right now I am trying to get some plans for this weekend. I got the kids tonight so today will be a good day!
Hope all is well for everyone. Everyday is a step closer to a better life!
Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009 Me-29 W-26 S-5 S-2 Bomb 12/10 Separated 1/11 D filed 2/11
I don't think you failed? I think you're still in the experimenting stage to see what works. I would NOT look at it as a failure.
I also believe that you will get back to her wanting to talk to you. She's still clearly confused and you will need to step back and let her work through that while you continue to work on you.
There's always hope. That's something that YOU keep alive. Hang in there. I'm praying for you.
Thanks for the encouragement. It really bothered me the other night but yesterday it really didn't bother me. It is definitely frustrating that she was pursuing and now she is not. But i felt it was a good talk that I needed to have with her. I'm keeping positive and enjoying waking up EVERY DAY. I haven't had a chance to check on your sitch but I hope things are going good or at least in the right direction.
Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009 Me-29 W-26 S-5 S-2 Bomb 12/10 Separated 1/11 D filed 2/11
What do you really want for you? What do you really want for your kids? What do you really want for her?
That is an easy one. A happy life for all of us. Not what we had before.
So. That's what you want. That's what you've decided and chosen. Break it down into small steps and goals now. Get Divorce Recovery read it and DO it.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
My situation, your situation... always fluid. What you are experiencing is completely normal and in line with so many of the others around here.
It is so awesome, though, to have a great attitude. Sure, we can't always keep it 24/7, but if in general you are upbeat like that, it is going to go a loooooooooooonnnng way.
