H came home a little earlier last night - 12:30. I don't know why, but I was secretly hoping that he would. Well, I know he gets exhausted from driving even if it is 3 1/2 hours, so... I gave him a nice hug and we talked for a few min. (in bed-i was already sleeping.)
This morn. I got up about 10 min. before he goes to work while he eats cereal and talked to him for a few and gave him a couple hugs. He looked pretty down. Oc, i have to ask if he is ok, and oc he says yeah. But, he had to be in school on his days off and still work on his days on. I think he is bummed about having to go back to his grueling job and not have any time off.
My friend is in OH now and wants to go out Th, fri, sat.-all 3. So, I think I'll call h and see what he had in mind for the weekend, and when he prefers that we go out separately. He and I have not made any official plans for the weekend.
Feeling a little blue-I know that I need to be understanding about h being tired and yucky about work, but I am having a hard time not taking it personally and having some run-away thoughts. I want to have some special time together, but know that I cannot push for "romance, etc." and just let things flow and let him have a nice, RELAXING, good time with me, w/o any pressure. grrr... me wants, me wants. gotta chill.
karen goal-to be pleasant, safe, not freaking out, not starting fights...to be LOVELY. That's it, I want to be lovely.
Sounds to me like you are under a lot of pressure. Is this coming from you? and expectations?
You ARE doing great.
If putting more goals in front of you just adds to the pressure....that may not be what you want to do right now.
Maybe you need to just focus on what you can expect "more easily" from yourself.
I wonder if it occured to you that maybe one of the reasons H doesn't put quite as much effort into his appearance when he goes out with you is that he is more comfortable around you...and doesn't feel the need to be so careful! That should be a compliment ...that he is comfortable.
It can be a chore to be always "On".
..Be sure you let him know when he does put in some effort!...Make a point of telling him you noticed! He may be looking for that reassurance.....( guyts are funny that way...they can't say, "Does this make my butt look big?"
You know...some of that DB'ing...." Catching him doing something good"? LOL
let's look over your goals..
"I will not start fights with H"
That is a bit large......Fights can be small or they can be big...and I don't think you are looking for a knock down drag out are you!! So how about..."You will listen a little more intently, before resoponding", that way you would be less likely to initiate anything negative...because you would take the time to analyze it first..........
"I will be totally fine with spending time apart if he is moody" Who would WANT to be around anyone who is moody....Go ahead get out and get a way...and DON'T feel guilty! It is probably for the best if you DO get away from him if he is in a "Mood"....just make sure you do it in a neutral sort of way...No slamming doors no shouting you get the idea......you are just going out for awhile...and let him stew in his mood...
Good goal: Be LOVELY!! YOU deserve lovely this weekend.
"I will clean up some of this house"
Now is it really a mess?????? Clean only if it puts you in a good mood! Otherwise.....forget it....weekends are for fun and relaxing....workdays are for work!!! (Unless you are like me and find it soooooo theraputic to put all the tools on the workbench in order according to their length and function.I know, I know...I'm ILL!!!)
How about naked vacuming??? Maybe he could participate....How's that for a goal!
Pam, I heard that the whole Southern belle thing was just an act. How long until someone in here whaps me for that one? Thanks for the encouragement!
Trish, thanks a lot for your words! Yes, I put a ton of pressure on myself! I like how you re-worded my goal of not starting fights by saying that I will listen more intently before responding. That sounds good, but I really do need to BITE MY TONGUE!! I seem to get upset and voice my opinions on a regular basis...
Yes, parts of my house REALLY are a mess. I am always one to forgo chores to do something fun. I don't feel like I've been holding up my end. H has been washing all of the laundry and he does dishes a lot. Plus it does make me feel good to feel more organized. I have never been one to lose things, but recently I have been losing so many things! Scarf, glove, eyeliner, lipstick...and they may all be buried under the mounds in "my" bedroom. (where I get ready).
However, I do believe in always having clean clothes, clean dishes and a clean bathroom.
There has been a TON of positives since H has been home! Thursday night I came home and he was out working on his truck. We chatted for a few and talked about what to do for dinner, etc. and decided to go to Chipotle since it is not that expensive. H comes in the house and is freezing so he gets into bed to warm up (heated h20 bed). So I get in too and well, warm him up! Then we went to dinner and he was talkative and I had to ask him to repeat a story that he told me Wed. on the phone while I was at work b/c I was being interrupted. Then he asked if I wanted to go anywhere else. I asked, "like where?" And he named a few places and I picked one and we went to have a drink! I asked him about when we would go out separately this weekend. He said he didn't want to do much Friday b/c he is getting up early Sat. to take my truk to work and put the clutch in. So I offered to hang w/him on Friday and we would go out-out w/our friends on Sat. He said, we could go to dinner and get a movie Friday.
Friday (last night) we did just that-went to another inexpensive restaurant in town and rented a movie. He was also very talkative (for him) at dinner and telling me more details about what he did in Cinnci, etc. Cool! This morn. he got up early to go to work I told him thank you. I haven't verbalized YET that I appreciate him being talkative and making suggestions, I just acted enthusiastic and listened intently asking him Q's, etc.
What I did--I came home on Thursday and acted cheerful even if I thought he would be in a bad mood/tired. When we were in bed I was joking around with him and acting positively GOOFY! THIS WORKS!! AND, this is who I am-very silly and goofy.
I made this separate since the last one was so long and this is about work. So, if you only want to talk about r stuff w/me, then you don't need to read this.
Yesterday I had my annual review and it did not go very well. There were many positives about me being courteous, helpful and quick with work requests, but then there were a lot of complaints about me being on the internet. A lot of people on my team said that they don't want to help me w/my work b/c they see me wasting time. I have seriously quit in the last month, but it is a little too late.
I have gotten a lot of OT, and they think it is b/c I am stretching out my work. Not many people know how to do my job, so I feel silo'd (sp?) and they think that that is how I act-like it is MY job when all jobs are supposed to be a team effort. Well, when I first joined this team in June, I offered several times to train people, and when I got some breathers maybe in Aug, Sept, I trained on some other people's jobs. I have taken on a lot to help them, and have taken on more of my own jobs for different teams.
Then I see my team leader getting away with slacking more than any of us, leaving w/o offering to help ANYONE while they are still working, and taking 1 1/2 lunches...So, I was justifying my internet use. I did talk w/my boss about this. I really do not trust this guy. I told him that our team leader told us that he told her to keep notes on us while he was on vaca., but he denied it. She has also told us that we have other spies. She also gets on the net and talks on the phone, and always does the easiest work.
Well, I know I should have stayed off the net a long time ago as I have been talked to a couple times before about this (once w/another boss, once w/this one.) I also see my friend on my team making several personal phone calls a day and taking smoke breaks, but she got a raise and I didn't. My friend feels free to tell me personal stuff like this about her raises and $ she makes and $ that OTHER people make which is a lot more than me and very upsetting.
I am at a loss. I have never really been "into" this job, but yet, I don't know what I want to do career-wise. Lately, I've been thinking about investing and getting into this job and getting into a diff. dept. that I think would suit my personality better. This other dept. seems interested in me. One mgr. told me there will be a job posting this month and to apply again.
I feel bummed and mad at myself. I have always been a really good worker until I came to this place. I get bored and distracted very easily and my personal issues, emotions and attitude get in my way. I also always thirst for info. so the net is very alluring to me. I made some mistakes in my last dept. that made me get some negative feedback in a couple of my quarterly reviews. They put my in a position dealing with people's money that I never wanted. When I temped, I was in that dept. and they asked me to be f-t I said no. I then got hired f-t in a diff. dept, but then a couple years later they made me go back into this other dept.
OK, i need to quit talking. Obviously I have a lot of resentment and bitterness. I have like I have been a jerk to my H, friends, and immediate co-workers. I am GREAT w/people in other dept's. and really care about the customers but do not deal w/them personally. The thing is that this place has AWESOME benefits. I mean AWESOME-better than any other co. that I have ever heard of and my workplace is often one of the top 10 places to work in the nation according to Fortune 500, etc. I'm very confused...
I maintained my composure in my review which is a huge accomplishment for me. I told myself to hold in my feelings until I got out of the bldg. I cried once at home. I sat in the liv. room and h came out. First thing I said is "it's not you." I told him the sitch and he was very supportive and compassionate and even made me move over on the couch so he could give me a hug!! ++++++++++
I have a wonderful h. and I thanked him.
karen
H came home from work yesterday afternoon. Not only did he put the new clutch in my truk, but he changed the oil, washed it, and checked my emergency break b/c it is not working! I thanked him a lot.
I took a comment out of context and told him I was trying to be courteous and he was "jumping" all over me...he came over to me and said that he wasn't...I finished getting ready, he was out on the couch. He looked unhappy/tired. I asked if he was upset w/me, he said no. I asked if he was tired, he said a little. OK, I need to quit asking these questions right??? He's a big boy and can tell me if he's upset with me, right??? I feel like such a sap when I ask these q's, trying to figure out what is wrong with him. I know that he likes to unwind after work and that he worked a long day b/c of my truk.
I left and called him after I drove for a little while. I said, "OMG! This is sooo awesome!!! It is soooo much easier to shift! Thank you so much!!" He seemed pleased that I did this. I told him I just wanted to call him to exclaim and said c ya later.
Went out w/friend, her bro, his friend. Had a good time, but I was feeling anx/depressed. She is inspiring me to find a new job or take the Series 7 test for work and move onward and upward.
Came home, h came home a few minutes later and was raring to go !! It was great! Slept late and went to Burger King for bfast.
OK, so I know what I am doing is working, so why do I still feel yucky? I know that change is hard, and I guess I am still looking for more, like words from him, but I know that I need to be patient and focus on these steps b/c they are BIGGER AND BETTER than just baby steps!! Today at bfast he asked what we were going to do when I am off Tue and Wed. We had talked about going to see LOTR 3 and having lunch one day. He may have to go in to work for part of another day, but said that he would go in early.
*Well, I know I feel yucky about work and have a prob. turning my other probs into H/R/M probs and taking my frustrations out on him. Must NOT do that!!
I am so proud of you. You are doing great. Hard work but well worth it. I noticed you posted on my thread. (That is my new thread BTW). I am having some baby steps, too, but not like you. I still have to convince my H that I can maintain my changes.
I stay busy and I get on here everyday to check on my pals, even if I don't always post. Overall I am fantastic. I am really pleased with the progress you have made. We have alot of the same issues so you give me encouragement!
I think you need to check my thread, I have a post on there on the 6th stage of MLC. Your H was where mine was last month. Hang on girl, this is a heck of a ride!
Hi, Deb-are you saying that my h is having an MLC or just acting similar to that?
Debi-thanks for stopping by. I want more details from you!!
I have been doing pretty well considering the work sitch. I have some goals regarding that. And I was wondering, if I have depression and my bosses know it and know that I am getting treatment, can they hold it against me in my review? For example my boss mentioned that I slip in and out of a depressed state. Well, DUH!! However, I don't think that it interferes with my work. I don't call off b/c of it and yes, sometimes I do cry at my desk, but I don't deal w/the public. If my co-workers ask me Q's, I still answer them and still do my job, and answer work emails, etc. If anyone can help, please do!
H & I are getting along well. Monday he came up to the rest. by work and met one of my co-workers. She had a couple really good things to say about him after. I took off Tues and Wed. (h's days off), but he has had to spend most of Tues, and this morn. at work to do a test that he didn't know he was eligible for. It is due tomorrow. So, today, he had to get up and go. I asked if there was time for a quickie, he said, that probably before lunch. (We had previously planned to go to lunch and a movie.)
I feel somewhat bummed, but I am doing other things. I boxed xmas decor, went returning, and am working on my bedroom.
I am trying to figure out what to do for his bday. I would like to take him out to eat at his fav. rest. which is fairly inexpensive and then rent a room with a hot tub. He is taking the day after his bday off. I'm afraid he won't want me to spend the money, and doesn't really like a lot of "things," but I want to!!
How long until someone in here whaps me for that one? Thanks for the encouragement! 
Then we went to dinner and he was talkative and I had to ask him to repeat a story that he told me Wed. on the phone while I was at work b/c I was being interrupted. Then he asked if I wanted to go anywhere else. I asked, "like where?" And he named a few places and I picked one and we went to have a drink! I asked him about when we would go out separately this weekend. He said he didn't want to do much Friday b/c he is getting up early Sat. to take my truk to work and put the clutch in. So I offered to hang w/him on Friday and we would go out-out w/our friends on Sat. He said, we could go to dinner and get a movie Friday. 
I told him I just wanted to call him to exclaim and said c ya later.