Her actions become detrimental if you allow them to be. Listen to me on this, because really, I pushed my H out the door because I felt his actions were so toxic. Problem was that I would get indignant also. I would react constantly. Even if I wasn't reacting outwardly, I was absolutely doing this on the inside.
You've got to stop the spiral. That means, first, stop becoming indignant. Stop judging her actions. What can you do, instead, to become the light? You already know the answer to this, obviously because of the good convo you had with her.
Try your best to stay out of #3. When you get angry, analyze it, break it down and understand that it is not getting you anywhere. Find ways to counteract that.
Continue to educate yourself. If you've read DB, there is another great book called "Hold Me Tight." That has helped me enormously. Then, not sure if you know, but Divorce Busting has a facebook page. They've got a lot of articles on there that are very helpful. You need to go check that out.
Not for nothing, Ironman, but if you start looking at your posts from the beginning, there IS progress. I think you are doing an awesome job!!!
