The Lies and Deception Killing Me

[abbey1989]

Well just saw H off to work. This is how pathetic I am. I know he has another cell phone (somewhere). I saw in his car this a.m. that the cell phone charger for that phone was plugged in. I asked him to borrow something out of the truck, followed him out there like a puppy, watched him open up the console (didn't see other cell phone). But the charger is there. Borrowed what I asked for and then took off for a walk. As I was returning from walk, H passed me on the road, stopped, rolled down the window (I was crying, listening to my ipod). I kind of brushed it off, and he asked if anything was going on tonight, I said no nothing. We went on our merry ways.

In my delusional mind, I really thought he would get rid of phone, break up with OW after two weeks ago when he saw how I reacted to his idiotic lie (the one about calling me from a strange number and leaving message for OW). But no, he still has the other cell phone charger, plugged in in his truck.

Last week he was very loving, this week he has been rather standoffish. I am sick to my stomach. If I confront without absolute hard eveidence, he is going to deny (like he has done over the last couple of years when this came up). I am trying so hard to be strong and not needy. I feel like I'm living a lie. I keep teling myself I'm not going to be the one to initiate sex (but did again this a.m.) Did go to gym yesterday and burned off a lot of stress. Nowhere to go and so hurt.