Piecing is almost harder than before...

[XYZ]

Awright Harrier buddy, I'm claiming my thread back. lol

You know with all the info and discussion yesterday, I feel like I had another light bulb moment. What I'm about to say here isn't original. It isn't mine and it's not new, but it's now clear to me. When I look at my role in my sitch, it all boils down to one thing. I was selfish. It had several manifestations: sex, my work, my work out schedule, my feelings about W's work, taking care of kids, weekend schedules, house work, extended family plans, etc but at the core it was all me just being selfish. That's it. Just one thing. (in the middle of a bomb related fight, W even yelled one time "You are so damn selfish"). So, how do I change? And change in a meaningful, real way that W can see and feel and is permanent? Well, I can't be selfish. What has W asked me for and been very clear that she needs? Patience and time. What do I want? Not to be patient; I want it all now. So what's most selfish (read: old me) thing I could possibly do? Be impatient and rush her. What's the ONLY thing that will work and prove without a doubt that I'm a new man? Patience. Time. Space. Damn. To me, doesn't get any clearer than that.

Different item: last night continuing great interactions with W. Good conversation. Lots of eye contact. Even another (almost) arm tap. (Don't I sound like a 14 year old boy? "The hot chick ALMOST touched my arm!"). This morning, still good even though W is not a morning person, but that's cool. The funny part: When W was leaving she kissed and hugged the kids. I walked her to the door and she said "Love you, bye" to me without making eye contact and almost rushed to the door. I know I can't mind read, but it looked and felt like "don't look at him, get the hell out of here, if I don't I might kiss him". I smiled and said "love you too". She can't hold out much longer. This is a game and I came damn close to losing, but I'm coming back fast. I feel it.