I made this separate since the last one was so long and this is about work. So, if you only want to talk about r stuff w/me, then you don't need to read this.

Yesterday I had my annual review and it did not go very well. There were many positives about me being courteous, helpful and quick with work requests, but then there were a lot of complaints about me being on the internet.
A lot of people on my team said that they don't want to help me w/my work b/c they see me wasting time. I have seriously quit in the last month, but it is a little too late.

I have gotten a lot of OT, and they think it is b/c I am stretching out my work. Not many people know how to do my job, so I feel silo'd (sp?) and they think that that is how I act-like it is MY job when all jobs are supposed to be a team effort. Well, when I first joined this team in June, I offered several times to train people, and when I got some breathers maybe in Aug, Sept, I trained on some other people's jobs. I have taken on a lot to help them, and have taken on more of my own jobs for different teams.

Then I see my team leader getting away with slacking more than any of us, leaving w/o offering to help ANYONE while they are still working, and taking 1 1/2 lunches...So, I was justifying my internet use. I did talk w/my boss about this. I really do not trust this guy. I told him that our team leader told us that he told her to keep notes on us while he was on vaca., but he denied it. She has also told us that we have other spies. She also gets on the net and talks on the phone, and always does the easiest work.

Well, I know I should have stayed off the net a long time ago as I have been talked to a couple times before about this (once w/another boss, once w/this one.) I also see my friend on my team making several personal phone calls a day and taking smoke breaks, but she got a raise and I didn't. My friend feels free to tell me personal stuff like this about her raises and $ she makes and $ that OTHER people make which is a lot more than me and very upsetting.

I am at a loss. I have never really been "into" this job, but yet, I don't know what I want to do career-wise. Lately, I've been thinking about investing and getting into this job and getting into a diff. dept. that I think would suit my personality better. This other dept. seems interested in me. One mgr. told me there will be a job posting this month and to apply again.

I feel bummed and mad at myself. I have always been a really good worker until I came to this place. I get bored and distracted very easily and my personal issues, emotions and attitude get in my way. I also always thirst for info. so the net is very alluring to me. I made some mistakes in my last dept. that made me get some negative feedback in a couple of my quarterly reviews. They put my in a position dealing with people's money that I never wanted. When I temped, I was in that dept. and they asked me to be f-t I said no. I then got hired f-t in a diff. dept, but then a couple years later they made me go back into this other dept.

OK, i need to quit talking. Obviously I have a lot of resentment and bitterness. I have like I have been a jerk to my H, friends, and immediate co-workers. I am GREAT w/people in other dept's. and really care about the customers but do not deal w/them personally. The thing is that this place has AWESOME benefits. I mean AWESOME-better than any other co. that I have ever heard of and my workplace is often one of the top 10 places to work in the nation according to Fortune 500, etc. I'm very confused...

I maintained my composure in my review which is a huge accomplishment for me. I told myself to hold in my feelings until I got out of the bldg. I cried once at home. I sat in the liv. room and h came out. First thing I said is "it's not you." I told him the sitch and he was very supportive and compassionate and even made me move over on the couch so he could give me a hug!! ++++++++++
I have a wonderful h. and I thanked him.
karen