My wife comes into my room and starts choking up. She said she can't believe she's doing this but... Then she told me the address of her new house. Now I wasn't expecting that.
Then she stayed for about an hour and started saying how afraid she is now that I know where she lives, what I might do to her. I consoled her some and assured her that I will not and have not the intention of harming her or such. I was concerned as a father where my son was. I thanked her for telling me. Later she brought this up again saying that once she files, she's going to be really afraid of what I'd do. If I did anything, she's put a restraining order on me. I said don't worry, I won't do anything like that.
There was a lot of back and forth after that, about things like care for our son, her residency, etc. However, here are some of the main things she touched on:
1. I want to remind you that this will NOT work between you and me, because the I'm not attracted to you and haven't been for a long time. I knew this wouldn't work when early in the separation I tried imagining you sleeping with another woman, and I didn't care. I was apathetic.
2. I don't see you ever kicking your porn habit. I saw something in your history the other day (she mentioned only one site that I was unfamiliar with), so you're lying. You keep telling me you've got it under control, but the way you talk and the way I've heard you talk in recent weeks -- you used to talk like that during our marriage. You're only okay for a couple weeks, or months and then back at it again. All I see is words.
3. I notice your new 70s old school Christian values that you suddenly have. So black and white. Before this, you used to be more liberal. I can tell you that even if you didn't have the porn issue anymore, I will never want to be married to guy with your Christian values. (I tried explaining that what she saw was me going back to the fundamentals, but I still enjoy those liberal views. I gave her some examples, but she didn't think they were relevant).
4. This new Alamo I see, those changes you said you've made -- i don't find them the least bit attractive. When I talk to you over the past weeks, there are times when you still react or talk like your old self. All the things you say, well...there always has been the counseling Alamo and the real Alamo. And the counseling Alamo is nice and perfect for all his friends to see, but the real Alamo keeps saying the same things over and over again. And with porn, I'm not interested in seeing if you're over it.
5. All the things I tolerated about you earlier in our marriage - when I was younger - like your laziness, your momma's boy attitude...I can't stand them and are huge turn offs for me.
6. I spoke to the therapist and she said in order for me to move on, as well as for you, I and our son to move forward, you need to get that hope that this will still work out with me out of your head. You're still not accepting that this is over.
Then she walked out the door.
Is my wife just trying to clear the air from her side of things? What is she trying to accomplish by bringing up all these topics/gripes? Is she Hoping she can convince me that it's truly over, so I will leave her alone? Is she venting? Or is there some small bit of positive somewhere in there?
