"You can have the same situation the same words, and four people are going to have four different reactions depending on the damage or programming they received as children."
So what you are saying is that "someone" needs to "see" the hurt.. and respond to it? I clearly could have just let my post stand.. and you may not have ever posted again. Where would that leave us?
"Well lead time is good Forest, you know we women are like electric stoves in our responses, not a gas flame...there is no instant on."
But.. I have to be "instant on". And I have to maintain that "heat" for a long time. How can you expect me to be "instant" while you warm up? This seems quite unfair. And I suspect it leads to my thought that I need to be twice as good.
Her LL is now Time. It was Gifts. Or maybe a combination of "Giving Time". Again.. this is confusing to a Physical LL person. I need to "see" action. I am still waiting.
I like your idea.. and I have done some things that would fall into that category. I think the reason that they failed was most likely my "mindset". I am having a really hard time this time. Simply because I told myself if I was ever here again.. I would walk. Right now.. I am questioning if "this" is worth it.
"If it isn't working do something else until you find what does."
What would work for me is if she did something.. anything.. that even showed me she cared. It would have to be an action. This is my 4-5th time around with this. I am still waiting. I know that is not the smart thing to do. But.. the next "different" thing I am gonna do.. is call her bluff.
"What's the alcohol for Forest? Is it to let your walls down so you can feel or is it to numb out? If it's to numb out is it to numb the pain of disappointment or neglect? Think really hard on this."
Based on your question.. I have to say it is to feel. But to me that implies that I use it to "numb". Either way I still think that I understand where she is coming from. I still think she has no idea where I am coming from. If I made choices while drinking.. I would not be posting "here".
"Forest I have to say from the description of your wife by you, it sounds to me like there is some depression going on ...the way she's painted here, she barely seems to have an interest in life, she's lackluster, self contained, a shadow."
But you are reading what I am saying.
What I "see".
I don't know that she is a "shadow" or depressed.
She is just clearly not the person I married.
She has become someone I do not really even like.
The sad part about that is that most likely I am the one that had a hand in making her that.
I have not "seen" the person I married.. in I don't know how long. I feel I have given an honest shot at it. But.. I "see" nothing. I mean.. she told me to take the money and run. For the 4-5th time.
"Because it won't be easy."
None of this has been "easy". From my point of view it has been easy on her.. because she has had her way. I have left her alone. I have changed my ways. I have stood up.
When does it become her turn?
When does she make a post on DB.com.. looking for answers?
"Do you know how I know? About four months ago, I was in so much emotional pain I had an R talk with my H. In it I said to him, " What was I to you anyway? Just a f*ck toy?" He said " You think so little of me!" I said, " No, I think that you think so little of ME!"
Let me be clear.. I don't think lightly about my f*ck toy. I don't want anyone else messing with it. It is the most important thing in my life. I went to the store.. I picked out the best one I could find. I researched it on the internet and it was the best one. The action of you being my "toy" is a true show of love. I know that sounds harsh.. but I just can't show you any other way. You think less of me for looking at you that way. You can't "see" the value.
How is it any different than you telling me that I need to "wait for the oven"?
You defined your "value" on what you thought he wanted from you.
I would say.. you assumed to much.
Based on your comment above I will assume that your comments were not well received.
I won't tell you how many times I have heard the same thing from her.
"Do you see a parallel?"
Yes.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
