Screwed up tonight... could use some help or a 2x4

[sparks14]

My W had her therapy appointment today after work, so she was not able to pick up our S from daycare until 5:30. It was my night to keep him, so she had to swing by her brother's place to pick up bottles for tomorrow's day care, and his swaddle that he has to sleep with.

When she got here, it was just about his bedtime routine. I was not expecting having to make four bottles of formula for daycare, as this was the first time. I didn't have enough at the house. Since I had to start my S on his routine, because he was getting sleepy, my W reluctantly ran to get formula. She left in a hurry and told me that she would see me in the morning.

It was about halfway through his bedtime routine, I noticed that she forgot the swaddle. I tried calling. No answer. Tried to text telling her that I had a question about our S for her. No answer. For the next 30 minutes, as I am trying to get my S down, I tried calling a few times and a few more texts. She always answers if it deals with our baby.

She had said that she was going back to her brother's place, so I sent him and his live-in gf a text. Girlfriend responds that they were just at dinner and on the way home. She understood the situation and would look for my wife or the swaddle when she got home.

My W then calls angry. Why are you acting so accusatory? The swaddle is there in the bag I left. She then realized the bag was in her car and rushed over to drop it off.

When she got here, she was angry. Mad that she felt like she was on call. Then got mad that I questioned why I had to try to call so many times. I then asked her that I hope she was being honest with me. For those that don't know, I discovered a 10 month affair with my W and OW about a month ago. There has been no contact, as we have been going to couples therapy. In the last session, she mentioned that she had never had an emotional connection with another person besides OW, and that these were the questions she was trying to work with her personal therapist about. I really have been patient. In the last month, I have only asked her one time for reassurance that there was still no contact.

She began yelling at me. Telling me that she couldn't have a night off. Then started saying that she was at a restaurant and her phone was in the car. She had ordered food and was drinking a margarita while she waited. More yelling at me, but I kept my cool. She then ranted about our 50/50 custody arrangement that had been working so well for both of us. She told me that she couldn't live like this. She didn't to be in the house, etc. She yelled out the house and left. She then came back in, dumped a to-go plate of food from the restaurant in my sink as asked if this was good enough proof where she was. She then stormed out and said that was now not going to eat and go to bed.

So here comes my question. She had the affair, right? I know that I have to detach from ever mentioning the OW, but when things are suspicious, and I weaken, why would my W get so angry that I just needed reassurance.

I then screwed up again I think and sent her a text to attempt to cool things over. Bring out the 2x4's. I feel like all of the progress from couple's therapy just got destroyed.

"If being honest, I do apologize for doubting you. You have to understand where the mistrust comes from, though. I have been burned badly. There have only been two times now where i have broken and asked for reassurance. It is very difficult for me, but I have been fighting like mad to gain your trust back, and I believe it can happen. I never intended for you to be on call. Tonight was just a crazy night all around with picking up <S> late, his car ride feeding, the lack of formula for his bottles. I think the swaddle just topped it off. We have been doing a pretty awesome job co-parenting <S> as our therapist recognizes it. We are doing so well, and I truly appreciate how you have handled it. I know you are worn out and just want a night to rest. I would like to order you a pizza deliver as a peace offering. Can i do that for you? I was sad to see your enchiladas in my sink."