Need advice on next move! Life falling apart

[angel61]

Read the DR book, Riley. There is a lot of advice there, but what seems to work best is not pursuing, and distancing, but it should be done lovingly. Listen like a friend, validate, do not call, do not say I love you, do not pressure, no R talk, keep it to light, everyday topic, about OW, if you must set boundaries, make them such that you can follow them.
When he comes back do not bring up the topic of separation or divorce, as that is part of R talk, but do think of what you would like to say to him if he does bring it up. If he said that in the heat of the moment he probably will not bring it up again, if he means it he will talk about it.
Your H is very confused, from what it seems, and only he can resolve that problem.
I wonder though if he is willing to go to MC. Have you asked? It might help him sort out how he really feels about you, the OW, the marriage. However, many MC's are not solution oriented and might end up advocating separation instead of fighting for the marriage.
For now, focus on yourself and the kids. If you think about him and the M all the time, you will be reacting to his every move, every word. Try to detach from the situation so that you can breathe and think about the sitch.