Recovering after a same sex affair

[sparks14]

Could use some advice on detaching during your 180. They can co-exist, correct?

W told me how she noticed the 180 in me. She resented it not because she felt smothered by it, but because she wanted to know where that was for the last five years. She felt like I already knew all of the things that put stress on the marriage for her, and I simply changed them. Like I knew about them and had them in this bucket. My therapist was wise enough to tell my W that there was no bucket, because I did not know these things. That is a reason that I can handle. The 180 was doing things differently that I felt needed improvement on my part. She is worried that I will burn out, and it will be short lived. Do I keep up these new behaviors to show her that the change is not short lived? Do I detach when she moves out next week and not keep up the 180?

I ask this, because I have heard that if she chooses to move out, you almost should take the last resort method. I don't think I am there at this time, because we are talking, are going to couples therapy, co-parenting our son, etc. I know this is going to take time and have expressed that I respect her need for space while she self discovers.

Anybody have any suggestions?