Fun in My Future...

[holdingon]

Karen,
I hope I wasn't too hard on you when we chatted. As you can see, I AM where you are headed. I am separated, my H is with OW. So, I've learned the hard way... and it is a painfully hard way.

Have I posted these dos and don'ts? I hope you did get to Starbucks and B&N and got DR or DB and started to read again. Honey, we all feel your pain. And we all know that this can be fixed, you can feel better, but you have to stop doing the same old behaviors and aim right for the cheese. Even a rat will quit going down cheeseless tunnels.

You are a smart woman... you have already written your goals, what you need to do. Now all you need it to do it.

We are here for you. We don't want you to feel like dying. We want you to live life, and live it abundantly with your H who loves you.

MANDATORY DO'S WHEN DBing
1. Be patient. Time is an asset even when it seems to be killing you.
2. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
3. Learn quickly that anger is your enemy.
4. Learn quickly to back off, shut up. and walk away when you want to speak out.
5. Take care of yourself. Exercise, sleep, laugh and focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.
6. Be cool, strong, confident, and speak softly.
7. Know that if you can do a 180, your smallest consistent actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
8. Read as much as you can on this subject.

MANDATORY DON'TS
1. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever in your whole life and are desperate and needy.
2. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
3. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than half of what ou see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared.
4. Do not give up no matter how dark it is of how bad you feel.
5. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Hang in there. Listen to the wise words spoken here on the bb. And if you don't listen to me, cause I don't have the answers, listen to Jan, or Tal, or Sage...