Hi all. I just got the book this weekend and read it all. I need some support. Here is my story...
For 13 years (15 years together) I have not been the best husband. I was disrepectfull, lazy, selfish, and crude. I never helped around the house (inside or out) and never really did anything to help shoulder the load. I played video games(addicted) and ignored my wife. We did have some wonderful times and were in love with each other. For the past few years, we both have been in a deep depression.
Recently, my wife has been communicating with a man she met while working. They text each other excessively. I confronted her about it and she said there was nothing there, that he was a friend (I believe her). A few days later, she tells me one night that she did think it was excessive and that she thinks she was looking for something she wasn't getting at home. That opened my eyes. I started paying her more attention. We had an argument a few days after and was ill with each other for a week. She came to me and told me that if this was to work out, I needed to change some things. Here was the second eye opener. I decided right then to change my lifestyle. I stared cleaning and picking things up without being asked. I spent more time with her. We made love after years of not. She told me this was the closest she felt to me in years. I was falling in love with her all over again. Then, on Sunday Feb 13, I played a game while waiting for her to get ready for us to go out. She confronted me about it (going back in the habit of playing) and I agreed I shouldn't and was going to quit all the games. She said she didn't want me to quit what made me happy. It went back and forth like that for a minute, and I made the stupidest comment to try to end the conversation so we could go enjoy each others company. I said "Games do really make me happy". Her best friend told me that this was when she went "numb". The next day, I could tell something was different. She went out for coffee with this other guy she met that was getting a divorce. I came home on wednesday (hoping to make love again) to her telling me it was over.
I have pleaded for counseling, or for her to just seperate so she can sort this out. She doesn't want any of that. She said she has to do this for her. She still loves me but doesn't have anything left to give. She is going to move out as soon as we refinance the house and she can get some equity.
I am trying to use what I learned in the book, I am trying to leave her alone and not constantly be there with her. She doesn't come home anymore because it is hard for her to be around me (akward was her word). Unfortunately, this same guy she had coffee with is her biggest support person now. They have text over 850 times two weeks and talked over 3 hours. She told me she isn't doing anything with him (again, I believe her) but I am worried that this support will turn to romance.
I moved my pillows and items into the spare bedroom so she can have the master instead of the couch (which she wanted to sleep on). She did say that it is hard for her to sleep in our bed.
I am living "as if" things will work out for us. What are the odds if we do get divorced that we can still work it out? I am in utter pain (I know I did this). What else can I do?
B
Me: 38 Her 44 M 13y T 15y No kids together Step Children S22 D19 Bomb dropped 2/16/11
