Positively moving forward

[kml]

What you need, I think, is an agreement that WHEN you refinance, he is off the deed WITHOUT you having to buy him out.

Since the house has no equity right now, and he is not contributing to the expenses, then he should NOT share in any increased value it might have by the time you refinance.

I can understand him wanting to stay on the deed so long as he's still on the mortgage - since he's technically on the hook to the bank if you default, it really is only fair that he be in a position where he could take over the house if you did default.

But you need it written so that you don't end up having to buy him out of any increased equity in the future.

It sounds like the cost of the house payments is affordable and comparable to rent (although remember to include things like costs of insurance and maintenance when you do the math). Also consider whether you could get a roommate to help with expenses and put that money towards paying down your loan quicker? Remember too that if you can't refinance for four years, interest rates are going to be SIGNIFICANTLY higher by then - will you likely be able to afford a larger payment?

I would just hate to see you struggle for four years, paying more than rent (once the costs of repairs and maintenance and insurance figure in) only to find that you can't qualify to refinance in four years because increased interest rates have bumped the payments up to $1200 a month. Sit down and do the math very very carefully. Think of all your options. (For instance - do you have family that you could move in with for a while? Could you rent the house out for the cost of the payments, and save up while living at your folks to pay down the mortgage to where you can sell the house? Just thinking creatively here.)

[awest1217]

The payment I listed includes property taxes and insurance so it is actually a pretty good deal, and as far as maintenance, I have some stuff I pay for, but not a lot and believe me I know the unexpected happens, but right now I am at a place where I can handle it. I have alot of friends and family who help me out and can fix pretty much everything in my house so I just pay for parts, and the labor is free. I also understand about having a higher interest rate and I am scared of that, but for right now I am good, and if all goes well maybe I can refinance in 2 years instead of 4. Also right now, there is a huge showdown about teacher salary in the state so I may be losing a bunch of money starting next year, which could make me say I have to sell.

I am actually not struggling to make the payments. I save some each month and as I said before once I am not paying my L and the car gets paid off (the really money problem where expecteds happen) I will be saving a lot each month or at least able to put a lot down each month extra on the house so it should be ok.

[kml]

So ideally - you would have it written that he stays on the deed until you refi but you don't have to buy him out when you do refi, he just signs a quitclaim at that point, and IF you have to sell at a loss before then he pays half the loss. (The mortgage company will hold him to that anyway).

Can you get a roommate? An extra $300 or $400 a month would pay down your mortgage within 2 years instead of 4.

[awest1217]

kml-that is what I would like, and a roommate would be ok if there was a person I got along with. S and I inhabit the entire house (plus teh room with all of H's stuff still in it) so it would need to be someone I know well. I do have one room available, but with S living with me part time it would be hard on him. However it is something I am keeping in mind.

H and I have been talking and in order to come to a compromise I have proposed us splitting a loss or gain on the house, IF I have to sell by a different percentage like 60/40 so then I am not stuck with it all, but H also doesn't have to pay as much. I haven't heard back from him, but hopefully we can come to an agreement soon.

[awest1217]

oops I noticed where I put S living with me part time I was thinking full time, but put part. A case of my fingers going to autopilot.

[awest1217]

Not much to report on. I think H and I have figured everything out for the D so hopefully he will get it to his L, and then I will get it. We will both sign and be done.

I am very busy so that is one thing. I have not really gotten to go home and relax at all this week. Monday was normal so S and I got to play some board games and that was fun, but Tuesday we had to go shopping for him to get some new shoes. Yesterday my SIL and nephew came over so I could help her sew her curtains. Tonight we have church and also have to get S ready for his long weekend with H.

This is S's first weekend with H for two nights. I am sure S will do well...unless he is sick. S started a bad cough yesterday and today seemed to have a slight fever. I really hope it is just a cold because the flu has hit everyone around us and we have been lucky so far (knock on wood). I did notice last night that one of S's tubes have fallen out and the other is about to so that has me a little worried. I know that the falling out is normal, but my concern is that his allergies flare up this time of year that he will start getting ear infections again and have to have surgery again. He now hates the doctor because of the surgeries so I am hoping that does not happen again. S has been healthy since getting the tubes and before that he was on antibiotics all spring and fall. Now I have started him on his allergy medicine already to prepare for the spring allergies (last year I waited until March and since it takes a week to get in your system he spent most of March miserable).

Really otherwise things are going well and having a lot of fun.

[awest1217]

S did his first full weekend with H. It went alright. I don't like H dropping S off at church so maybe he will drop him off at the house from now on before church, but that gives him less time because I leave the house at 10 and he drops off at church at 10:50. It is just hard because being a sunday school teacher and the sunday school superintendent, I am very busy on Sunday mornings so it is hard to take the time to talk to H when S is dropped off.

S was happy to be back and he acted like he did when he first started visiting H every other weekend. S loves to be with H, but S isn't himself with H and so when he comes home it is rough on me. S doesn't eat like normal with H so when he comes home he eats a ton. Since he is going straight to church it is harder. Yesterday S would NOT go to his class because he didn't want to leave me so he came to my class and refused to do anything but sit on my lap or have me hold him. Then he kept saying he was hungry so he got a snack like the whole class, but was still hungry so he got more. Then S doesn't sleep normally with H (plus one of S's tubes fell out and he was saying his ear hurt so to be on teh safe side H and I decided to start his anitbiotic ear drops just in case it was infected and not just healing). Since S goes with H, he doesn't sleep like he does at home. S now will sleep on teh weekends until 7:30 and sometimes even 8, but with H he is up at 6:30 and doesn't go to sleep until between 9-10. I don't mind the staying up later, but since he won't sleep in like he does with me, it hurts him. S also won't take a longer nap. On my weekends, most Saturdays he sleeps for 3 hours at nap. With H it is barely 2. So yesterday we get home and S falls asleep for his nap and sleeps 5 hours. Was up for 2 then slept the rest of the night.

I know it will get better and I know this is all because S isn't comfortable with H and that will take time, but I am the one who has to deal with the bad parts. With daddy, it is all fun and games. Again, when S came home if I told him no he cried for daddy, which he hasn't done since we first started visitation. For S, daddy is fun and games with no responsibilities because H can do everything during the week since he doesn't have S so on the weekends he gets to just have fun, but with mommy, I only have the weekend to get stuff done so although I try to make it that we play most of the weekend, some of it is me doing work that has to get done. I know it will get better, but this weekend was hard. Mostly yesterday was hard because of S being so clingy. By the end of service he was back to normal in terms of not clinging, but it took a while for that to happen. We will figure something out hopefully to fix it.

Other news, I have a couple of guys who are interested in me. Nothing big right now and no one I could see being serious with, but one I talked to Saturday night for about 1 hour. Just getting to know you stuff so that was fun and nice.

Now to another busy week, and this weekend I will be administering a test at the school since S is with H again. I got my taxes done and found out that we owe teh state a bunch and getting even less than last year back from federal. It is all because of H and since I gave in to filing jointly again I lost a bunch, but oh well. Hopefully the D will be final soon...

[awest1217]

NOthing new going on. As normal, H isn't sending back his proposal for the D settlement so it is now over a month waiting for his response, and if it is exactly what we discuss, I wll sign it and this could be over...but once again waiting. I did let H know that the longer I have to wait the more upset I get and the harder it is for me to be cordial to him.

Financially, my tax refund, which was small because I could have filed head of house and gotten a ton more, is gone because I have to takea class this summer to renew my teaching license (I am actually looking forward to it because it is a class I really want to take) and I am going to put new tires on my car. I haven't put new ones on since buying the car and the tread is practically gone. I did get a good deal on the tires, but they are still about $100 more than I was hoping to spend. They are really good tires with no one having a bad review and I read almost 100. They are middle of the line tires for my car and I did get them at a lower price than advertised so it is all good. I am just going to try to not spend a lot and save. I did figure out that if all goes as it has been, I may be able to refinance the house next summer or the summer of 2013. 2013 I will be just over what I need to be at to refinance so hopefully I can put a little extra down in the next two years and I will refinance in half the time I have allotted from H so that makes me feel good.

HOnestly there are no worries.

With S, he was sick all last week. H stayed home with him one day and I was home 3. He was better for one, but relapsed so I was rushing around Friday morning to get things ready for work. He started acting sick again at the end of the week so I am a little concerned because his tubes have fallen outa nd I am worried he will need more surgery, but trying to think positive.

All is really good here and hopefully it will just continue.

[ClingingToHope]

I actually can file "single-head of household" because we've been separated so long. It was the difference between owing $3,000 and owing just $500.

I'm waiting on STBXW's response as well. Once it's over I can file for bankruptcy to get rid of the credit card debt I got from STBXW. I've tried and tried to chip away at it and just can't do it.

I'm looking forward to having that gone. I hope my attitude toward STBXW changes when I don't have her old credit cards around my neck.

Interesting about the tubes. I had 13 sets growing up.

[awest1217]

S's tubes are completely out of his ear drum, but still in the canal. I am using mineral oil for a week then peroxide for a week to hopefully loosen the wax and then they will fall out or the ENT will pull them out.

With H, he had OW start hanging out with S so that means they are definitely more than friends. He told S they are just friends, but I know better. It is hard right now because I keep having memories of two years ago (it will be two years exactly of him leaving on Apr 1), but throughout this month and next month there are memories of what lead to him leaving and what happened after. Sometimes I wonder if I would have found DR sooner if it would have worked out, but then I remember, OW isn't the first. She is the first PA that I know of, but not the first EA. There have been many of them so I am taking comfort in knowing I did all I could and did the best I knew to do at the time.

I am very different than teh person 2 years ago...actually as I have said before I am back to the person I was when I first met H or even shortly after. I am happy with who I am. I still have sad days, but they are very few. Having OW start to be around S right at the 2 year anniversary is hard, but I knew it would happen sometime and I just have to make sure I am there for S.

Still nothing from H which is really making me mad. Then I am also upset because in two weekends is H's weekend, but it is also my nephew's birthday party so I asked H if he could drop S off to go to it and then he could have him back if he wants. He said S could just stay with me (I was excited), but then since it is spring break, I asked H if he wants S extra like he claims he wants and maybe he could have S Thurday to Saturday so he gets the same amount of time because all of his weekends in April I will get S back on Saturday instead of Sunday because of how it is working out, and H said no I will just get him Friday. I don't understand. I love having S extra, but H wants credit for more time and says to his lawyer he wants more time, but DOES NOT TAKE IT. Well unless OW is out of town, then he wants H a lot and won't stop texting me. I just am tired of waiting and stuff so hopefully this will be over soon, but I say this every month and it never is.

4 more days until spring break and me having some fun with S.