That little engine that will ...

[MeMyselfandI]

Link to previous thread (hope it works):
[url=http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2123337#Post2123337][/url]

Well, I’m hoping I’ve avoided a disaster last night and when I sat back to reflect, I’m not really sure it was quite as bad as what it appeared at first. Last night, while my S and I were out grocery shopping, D was home supposedly doing her homework, she got onto my computer where I had been typing a DB post and updating on events and she found what I was working on.

Although she understood most of what was there, she misinterpreted one part of the message and got angry and sent what I had written to H on FB. Here is the message she sent:

"Thanks Seeking. Had a great chat with D last night too. She opened up to me regarding her Birthday party, that the OW ended up attending. I was honest with her and told her that I was somewhat hurt that she invited OW to her party. I explained to her that I was telling her this, not to make her feel bad but that I didn't want any secrets between us because I know that things are difficult for all of us right now and we all need to trust eachother right now and not hold things in.

She went on to explain to me that she did not invite OW to her party, but rather that H asked if OW could attend, (only if it was ok with D). She said H went on to say after all OW bought D for her B-day and all she did to help with cake and things. D told me she felt bad and didn't want to make OW feel bad so she agreed to allow her to come to the party but she really wanted to have me there instead. I told her it was ok and I understood and I didn't want her to feel torn. I didn't say it was unfair of H to put her in that situation, although I really do feel it was. He is not making the best decisions right now and I will make sure I keep that communication open with the kids. H & OW are really pushing the relationship with D and eventually I believe this will backfire." – this was what she found that I was writing

"This is D speeking right now I read this and daddy is so not a backfire mommy. I care what you two say to eachother. NO MORE FIGHTING agreed if you get mad at me I don’t care. Don’t say mean stuff to one anothor any more if you do then I’ll run away for two weeks. Now you two won’t like that now will you so just stop fighting and I mean I’ll run away for TWO WEEKS I MEAN IT SO STOP WITH THE BAD WORDS AND I’LL GO LIVE WITH FRIEND IF IT’S OK with her parents for two weeks and I will not talk to you two for those whole two weeks from D…"

H responded with the following:
"Hi Sweetie, I haven't said anything mean to your mom at all, I'm not sure who she wrote this to, but it's ok for her to have her feelings. She didn't say anything really bad to me here, she's just saying what she feels. Please don't feel bad or like you need to run away, and you can call me anytime you like.
Love,
Daddy"

I don't believe she talked to him at all before I got home and she did not for the rest of the evening.

I was upset and I let her know and she apologized and said she didn’t understand what the backfire thing meant so she got upset and thought it was a name I was calling H. Once I finished putting groceries away, I explained to her that I was upset that she didn’t phone me or wait to talk to me and that she sent that message to her Daddy. I went on to explain that the message wasn’t written to Daddy and it was just me writing stuff down that I felt to get it off my chest. I also tried to explain the backfire thing as best I could without saying anything mean about H or OW. I went on to say that I think H is having a hard time right now too and because of that, he isn’t necessarily making the best decisions. The whole thing seemed to calm down after that. It also opened the door for her to tell me more things about how she is feeling which is so important for her right now.

I was worried H may find the DB postings hence why I changed my screen name. This is not about him … this is about me and my new screen name is my constant reminder of that. I guess at the end of it all, H will have discovered that I realize he is manipulating his 11 year old D. Not a very appealing trait and the more I see him, the more of these unpleasant characteristics shine through.