You did good. I agree that you need to stop talking about needing to recover, or anything that frames you as weak. If it comes up again try "I was surprised you gave up on us, I just needed some time to think. I am past that now." See how that frames it so that the responsibility for this situation is hers, and you just had a normal reaction to it? it also emphasises that you are stronger now.
Quote:
Dont say that this divorce decision was my choice. It is because you could not get your act together, i had to do this.
DO NOT let her place the blame on you for HER leaving. This is a big boundary issue. You must push back when she places the blame on your shoulders, like in the above quote. It is total BS. SHE left. SHE gave up. Yes, you made some mistakes, but SHE IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY RESPONSIBLE for deciding to leave.
But...do not get angry and say it with anger, just calmly and matter-of-factly point out that it was completely her choice, proven by the fact that you had no say in the matter. There is ALWAYS a choice, and she 100% made the decision. She had to do this? Incorrect, she chose to do this, and she was thinking of herself when she did so.
You need to hold her accountable for her actions, do not accept when she blames you for her leaving. If she blames you for the things you did...okay, validate that you did those things. You, however, did not give up. She did.
Sorry if I am repeating myself, but you need understand this, let it absorb into your psyche, and believe it, so that next time she tries to frame the breakdown of your R as your fault, you will be able to validate the mistakes you made, and yet hold her accountable for her part: giving up.
Agree, good ending. Try to always be the one to get off the phone first. You are busy, you have things to do and places to be.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
