Piecing is almost harder than before...

[Bolt]

harrier,
I feel for you and the bad times for sure. They totally are horrible.

I see two things in your posts that are hugely positive though. You realized what kind of bad H you were though. You saw the things you did wrong and you are working on correcting them.

NOW check out the one thing that you are still doing? Impatience. Love is patient. Say that with me. Love IS patient. If you continue the patient route, your W WILL see how different you truly are. Stay the course, dude.

Lemme say something else positive about your second post.

She apologized! Holy crap man. Think about why she did what she did the night before. She was scared that this isn't the new Harrier. That this is just a ghost, waiting for the old Harrier to come back.

So what does she do? She lashes out to protect herself. She tests to see if old Harrier will come back.

Unfortunately, you showed her a little taste but that doesn't mean that things are away from piecing. She has to realize that there are going to be slipups. They aren't permanent. They are simply slipups.

I asked my W for forgiveness for the slipups I haven't had yet. I said, I know they are going to happen and she has to allow for that but not make me feel that I can't have them. I don't want them but I'm pretty sure they will happen.

Heck, I've been one way for 40 years. It's hard to completely change overnight.

BUT DUDE - She apologized to you.

That's pretty huge.

Now, let's see what you do with that. Take this opportunity to make her feel safe. Tell her that you are her shelter, her rock, her safe place. Tell her that you never intended any of the bad things you said to her - you were hurt and felt insecure and the only way you knew how to deal with it was by defending yourself AND hurting her. You didn't intend to do it though.

She needs to feel that you are her protector, her hero.

She's giving you a golden opp here man.

When my wife did that, I swooped in. Things have been awesome ever since. BETTER than before.

stay strong dude. Use what happened as a huge learning experience.