The holiday has been busy. I had to work until 5 on New Year's Eve and went to a party w/h. Had a lot of fun, did not cause any probs, etc. Yesterday we went to my uncle's to see my cousin that I only see once every couple years.
I have been biting my tongue, but still wondering if I should bring this up or that up. On New Year's Eve, h started to get drunk. We never negotiate who is going to be the designated driver, and I am usually the one to back off from alcohol when I see that he is drinking a lot. Later, he made a comment that I never drink, (and therefore can drive home from Cleve. when we go to that concert w/the couple). I said testily, "I don't have a choice." He said that yes I did, there are options. I didn't ask what they were. Chalk one up for me for NOT starting a discussing after he has had a few to drink.
So I drove home, feeling angry, hoping he would hurt (physically) later for drinking. We talked the next morn. how he was surprised he got drunk so fast b/c he only had 8-9 beers over 7 1/2 hours. It was unusual for him. I still did not bring up the issue. I wonder, do I really WANT to get drunk? People LOOK like they are having so much more fun when they are drunk. However, I tend to get emotional (no really?) after having too many to drink and do NOT want to get sick. I have learned my lesson!! H did not get sick.
And another, H bought himself a new used truck. It did'nt cost too much money, but it is a performance truck and now he is window shopping for all of these accessories for it. He and another fam. member were talking about it yesterday and he said jokingly, "shh don't let her hear me talking about it." I said what? and he told me spending money on it. I said, I didn't care as long as we could go on vaca. He said we will.
We do not share our checking accounts. He makes 40% more than I do and pays 40% of the bills. We both have our own debt. He does not want to combine our bills as he thinks this way we will fight less about money. Well, I stink w/money and struggle to make ends meet month after month. I want to save more for retirement as my company has excellent matching. He says we should pay off stuff first b/c of the interest, I exclaimed, if I put in $1350, my company will GIVE me $1600!!! that's over 100%!!!
So I'm thinking, how can he spend unnecessary money on this truck as I am struggling month to month? Granted, my money probs are my own fault as I am very bad with money. I am not greedy and do not want his money. He pays just about all the time when we go out/out to eat. I buy groceries and not often enough. I only cook 2 times a week on average.
He has said that this is yes, one of those other things, where if things were better b/t us, he would help me more. I'm really confused. It seems that I spend a lot more money than I plan in the month and I do not spend much money at all on things that I do not need and 85% of the time I shop for clothes at thrift stores.
I do not want to feel angry at him for this, but I don't know what to do. Is this just me finding something else to get upset about? Yes, I am thinking in my head that he doesn't care about me.
(I am doing all of the saving for retirement and he thinks that I should be able to keep my truck if I get rid of some other bills. Perhaps I should ask him how he thinks I can do that.)
I know my main prob. is giving up this "control" that really isn't control...
I will get back to these wonderfully insightful posts later, k?
