Rolling with the punches

[Redo]

Fellow BITS:

I'd love to have your feedback here.

W called last evening when i was at the gym. Called her back in an hour. I was going to a hackerspace meeting in town. She said that she wanted to talk more details about daughter's custody. I listened. Some suggestions were good and we agreed. Some i felt were restrictive (like she wanted me to visit my daughter 12 times first before i could take her to my place). So I did say "W you chose to move 200 miles from me and i feel that your request is not fair for me". Then she said "dont get antsy. This is not final. think about it. Then she brought up the issue that i have initiated conversation with my daughter only once, which is true. I could not do it because i knew i'd break down. I told her "W you know the reason i could not talk with D. I had to recover before i could speak normally with her. Why are you holding that against me right now. Anyway i was planning on calling you up and setting a schedule. How about blah blah blah". Then we talked for some more minutes. Then i said "I need to go. I am going somewhere" and i hung up the phone.

So i finish my hackerspace meeting head home and then i get her call again.

W "Are you driving. Can i talk?"

M "Sure"

W "Look, dont bring up that 200 mile distance again. Dont say that this divorce decision was my choice. It is because you could not get your act together, i had to do this. You know when i was living with my parents and had to drive 200 miles every weekend for my therapist meeting, i did it. So dont complain that you cannot drive 200 miles to see your daughter every week. Do you know how hard it is to be divorced in the indian community?."

M "W, look you were a good wife and you are a great mom. You felt you needed to do this for your sake. I would not have taken this path. But i can understand why you did what you did. you know i had to come down this road to understand where and what i did wrong and how much you and daughter really mean to me. Look i will not bring up the 200 mile distance okay?. We need to be nice to each other if we need to bring up daughter well. You understand why i could not reach out to daughter frequently. To put it mildly this was a huge shock. I needed time to recover"

W "You dont think i know that? How do you think i feel when daughter gets up in the morning and sometimes cries for you. She asks for you and i have to lie saying that daddy's car needs repair. He'll see you soon. You know there are nights that i go to sleep crying for you thinking how you are managing alone"

M : i was silent. Could not take it that my daughter cries for me. So i act like someone was calling for me.

M "W, i gotta go. We'll talk again. Bye"

W "okay, bye"


Friends, I tried to interpret all this in many ways. Sometimes i look at all this positively. Sometimes negatively.

I'd love love love to you hear feedback from y'all.

Thanks!