most of the girls who work there look at guys as an atm machine anyway
That is something we all need to take to heart guys! [grr] is dead on with this.
LOL!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Oh Bolt, I am so happy for you! I finally got to read your thread coz I have been down the last few days! Glad you are doing so well! Inspire us!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I'm now to the point of doing things that I know my W really digs. I just texted her earlier and said, "Hey gorgeous. Just thinking about you. That's it."
and left it at that.
She called about 10 minutes later - she's at the hospital and rarely has a chance to call - just to chat for a sec
I made sure to NOT mention the text at all.
I was with my girls in the car and D11 says, "So, Mommy just called to see how you were doing?" I said, "Yep." D11 says, "AAwwww. She does love you."
from the mouths of babes...
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
you know what? when my is on the road, he goes once in awhile
not very frequently maybe about 5 times a year of less
it really doesn't bother me, i do however, think a lap dance is a different story
most of the girls who work there look at guys as an atm machine anyway
exactly!
BUT as guys, at least as I DID, I didn't care. I knew I was paying for ATTENTION from a good looking woman. I didn't really care for the other stuff (believe it) and so I didn't look at it as cheating.
In MY mind, I wasn't doing anything wrong. I failed to see it through my W's eyes. EVEN when she said it was OK to go.
I'm not sure why women do that. Say one thing and mean another. I guess some of it is a test but you gals have to remember, we men are very stoopid animals. We ain't smart.
You say to go, we go. I'm not making excuses (mainly because I'm not smart enough to) but it is the truth...
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Bolt, I agree with you on this... not understanding why women say one thing but mean another. I guess for some it is testing. In my case?? I was trying so hard to be the "cool" wife that I didn't want to tell him that it bothered me. I didn't want to expose that I was insecure about that. Like the ladies said, the strippers really do only look at you guys like an ATM. So, I guess I thought it was stupid to feel insecure about it. But I did...
but LIS, don't feel stupid for being insecure. It's a natural thing that we guys, when we go there, don't even think about it being anything like that.
I've had friends say (and I'm SURE I've said it before), yeah, but I come home to you. That's all horse crap. You go to fulfill a need. Your W feels that she isn't able to fill that need for you and thus becomes insecure.
I'm glad I found that out now because I NEVER want her to feel insecure in our relationship.
I really don't know how I would have heard it back then. I would have maybe thought my W didn't "get it" and that she was trying to control me...I'm not sure but I think that's how I would have reacted...
I was a pretty selfish pig - and had zero idea I was.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Bolt - Just got caught up on your sitch. I cannot tell you how proud I am of you. Your hard work is an inspiration to all of us BITS. You keep us focused and show us it can be done.
Keep up the good work! You are on your way.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Bolt, I like where this is going for you. Keep posting. I hope you don't mind, but I sometimes imagine myself in your situation and it makes me smile...
BITS never walk alone!!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
I promise to keep postings of the ups and downs. Another up day! It's nice to wake up to your W's arm around you. I feel like she's getting content and secure in this R now. It's such a nice feeling.
Guys, it's still hard work. I WANT to ask about the R but like where we are and FEEL that we're better so I'm not bugging at all.
It has been a lot of work to get here and I KNOW how lucky I am to have not gone through TOO much time to get here.
We're still working but my sanity is restored (temporarily - at least to where it was).
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Bolt, I like where this is going for you. Keep posting. I hope you don't mind, but I sometimes imagine myself in your situation and it makes me smile...
BITS never walk alone!!!
FOBD
Ditto! I have to admit that I am a little green with envy!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
