My mistake. I think started too many threads and lost touch. Thanks for pointing out sillyoldbear's suggestion guys.
Quote:
[*] Some of the things you describe--being surprised that a woman would leave a man who made sure his job was secure and was never any trouble to her, for instance, or trying to fix everything by making an effort to be cheerful and happy all the time, are things [*] might help you with. He describes men who put all their emphasis on pleasing others, especially women, by putting their own needs last and "never being any trouble" as "Nice Guys." He's not talking about not being nice, just seeing that your own needs are important and dealing with other people honestly. It made a big difference for me.
He's right. I have not yet ordered this book, but i will. Meanwhile the book i was talking about "Anxious to please" exactly talks about the same thing.Nice-guy syndrome. I seem to have this issue big time because everything that book talks about, i fit it perfectly. Thats the nice part, knowing why you are the way you are. I have breaking my head for years as to why i feel the way i do. But now the hard part begins where i need to start working on myself. I am trying to remain motivated.
The other reading I'd recommend is Schnarch's Passionate Marriage. But I'd read the other two first.
Your first step is to decide what you want to do about your marriage. Do you want to save it? If so, what are you willing to do about it? The first thing is to think hard about how you treat your wife now and why it doesn't work. I absolutely want to save my marriage. Sometimes i do question my reasons, but at the end of the day i still love my wife and i want my daughter to grow up with both parents. I need start with baby steps here
The fact that you're trying to do something about this, rather than just deciding that your wife went crazy for no reason and there's nothing you could have done, puts you ahead of the curve already. That seems to be what most people do.
Last edited by dbmod; 09/23/1202:00 AM. Reason: *reference not recommended or allowed
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
