Here's something I've been pondering. A couple of weeks ago, when my W was here, she told me that she never realized I was a good dad until she moved out. Now do I take that as a compliment and a small victory or just another kick in the bag
Well just got off the phone with my W. She called to tell me the realator had called her about some perspective clients. We discussed that and our house in general. The convo lead into our weekends, she said she hadn't been feeling well, etc. The convo was upbeat and I could feel us feeding off each other.
A little background for ya'll. My W family is very involved with the local american legion. Along with being her man I too have become involved and love it. Anyways, once a month the legion has a fish fry and we all take turns working in the kitchen. My W and I ave never done it together bc one of us would always stay home with our D2. Which I regret, we should have sent her to grandmas for the night and spent time together, but the past is the past. Well I still voluteer and am scheduled to work next month. The guy who is doing it with me, her cousin, is backing out so we need to find somebody. I've been continplating it a lot and decided if the moment arrives, I will man-up and ask her. Well tonight on the phone I did. She thought for a second and said yeah I'll think about it. This was not a yes and might not happen, but it sure wasn't a outright no that I feel I would have gotten not so long ago.
I will not hold my breath on her doing it, that path often leads to disappointment, but I do see a VERY small break in the clouds, if only for a moment. Even f she doesn't do it, I will not dwell on it. Also I was thinking DB the whole call and ended it on my terms. I told her I was at the store and had to run in and get a few things. Truth is, I was at the library and had to return a book I was reading on marriage!
Good for you. I think throwing things in there like asking your W to the event is a good thing. If it feels right, go for it. Mix it up here and there. The thing is, after you try something different, the next step is to monitor the results so you know what to/not to do next time.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
What happens if that proverbial rope is not only tied to the spouse, but that spouse has tied the same rope around your children?
You aren't seeing the picture. It is the connection between the two adults in the M, and not the children. Let me give you my idea of dropping the rope.
Oh, well I'll have to find it on somebody's thread. I lost the one I had bookmarked. I'll get back with you tomorrow. Don't let me forget.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hope this helps with what I refer to as dropping the rope in your M.
Imagine having a rope in your hand and the other end of that rope was tied around the waist of your W. You do not want her to leave you. You are fighting for your M. So, she is pulling with all her might to get free of you. She wants out of this R! The harder she pulls forward to get away.....the harder you hold back on the rope. You have both of your heels burried into the ground and both hands in a death grip on that rope. Do you have that picture in your mind? Okay, what would happen if suddenly you dropped that rope?
She is pulling so hard with her head looking forward......that when you drop the rope....she will nearly fall over! Suddenly she is free....nothing is holding her back! She stumbles and tries to get her balance. She turns around and looks at you to see why you let go. My question to you is....what will she see?
She does not need to see a man standing there doing nothing but pitifully staring back at her or she'll just walk on. If she sees that man has stopped paying any attention to her and has his mind on something else, then she will be curious to see what got his attention more than she could. She will begin to move in a little bit so she can get a closer look. She may start to ask him questions about what he's doing and who he's seeing. She keeps getting a little closer b/c she almost acts as if she's forgotten that she is no longer held by that rope and she can leave. She is free....but she doesn't want to leave now that the man has dropped the rope.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Has anyone else noticed the ratio of men on this site to women. I bet we out number them 3 to 1. Now why is this? Are more women leaving M then men or is our "I'm a man and I can fix it" attitude leading us to search for the right tool for the job. Almost every sitch I've read on here by a woman has been bc her H has left for an A. True many of us guys are in this sitch but for women on here it just seems to be "standard issue." So many of us guys are on here not bc of an A, but bc there was an emotional detachment and that's it.
I used to consider myself a real tough guy. Hell I'm a veteran, land surveyor, who comes from a family of loggers. I hunt, fish, hike, lift weights, cut wood, etc. I never would have thought I would be this in touch with my feelings....wtf! I know all those happy married guys out there don't have to be examined by the man nearly as closely as we have done ours, but those guys make it work. How? Are they just born better at this than we are...doubt it. Did they M a more compatible mate...doubt it. Why would we be on here fighting so hard if we didn't know this was the person for us to spend the rest of our lives with. I make it a point to talk to many older men who are both in long M or ones that have been D. Surprising how open even the "tough guys" are to talking about it. All of them have made choices very similar to ours. Some M have made it through the gauntlet and some have not. So I ask, are all just rolling the dice?
Has anyone else noticed the ratio of men on this site to women. I bet we out number them 3 to 1. Now why is this?
Go to youtube and search Walk Away Wife syndrome, MWD explains this quite well.I was completely blown away the first time I watched this video, because she explained my sitch almost exactly.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I have watched it and felt the same way. The men on this site are for the most part not any different from there buddies who have kept there marriage steaming along. We do make mistakes choices in our M that we need to evaluate and correct, but do we really deserve this?
