Fun in My Future...

[Zoo]

Thank you for not taking my post as too harsh. Learning to love one's self is a harsh business though and I believe can only best be done in the bluntest, toughest way you can.

I know where your coming from about being afraid, having a ton of old hang-ups, being lazy, low/no self esteem, hating one's self so much that you'd rather smash the mirror in then look at yourself for one more millisecond. This is regardless of the good qualities that you KNOW you possess.

You have made progress in that you do KNOW wherein your problems lie...it took me years to figure that out. Until I did it was "F-you, except me as I am or kiss my a$$ 'cause I ain't gonna change for nobody".

Now you just have to stop being lazy, because I think therein is your major problem. You use the little fears and past memeories to justify the laziness to yourself which in no way helps your sitch at all. Do you REALLY want to be a martyr so that if/when your H does leave you can say "see, I told you this would happen and really it IS what I deserve for being such a horrible person to him"? Will that make you feel batter in any way? And if that were to happen then what did you learn that would keep you from making the same mistakes all over again in the next R you might have? Have you already doomed yourself to a life of unhappiness...in a sense laying the groundwork for a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Too many people here have been the type of person you say you are right now...bemoaning and berating themselves and doing nothing about it until one day BLINK, BLINK, the lightbulb goes off and the wake up and start working on themselves and worry about the other crap later. Many of us find the other crap gets repaired right alongside us too

You have to choose your moment, there is no doubt about that. I think you are fast running out of time though to act. Our H's have only so much patience and then they start giving up...that is when affairs happen, the lies begin multiplying and trust takes a vacation. Do you want it to be too little too late??

Zoo